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Saturday, January 16, 2010

Unhealthy Ways Of Relating

We as humans are continually trying to find our place in this world. We often search somewhat desperately for sources of fulfillment and gratification, such as: money, promotion, status, love, sex, friendship, etc. While searching and seeking fulfillment and gratification can both be positive endeavors, doing so in a desperate manner tends to lead us down roads that we wish we would have never traveled. Desperation(in my opinion), is one of the number one reasons, why we as people are displaying(and experiencing) unhealthy ways of relating.

So what are some examples of unhealthy ways of relating? Well.....there's plenty. Here's a few based on either personal experiences or stories told to me by others(whose names will never be revealed). Let's just say that there is a 30-something year old woman who has been overweight her entire life. Men have treated her very poorly for no good reason at all. She has received no attention from the opposite sex, and has gone through her adolescent years with very few friends to speak of. Eventually, her self worth becomes very poor and distorted, and she starts accepting men into her life that are abusive, lazy, unfaithful....or even a combination of all of the above. Since she has never really had any attention before, she clings to these guys because she thinks that this is the best that she can do, and at least someone finally will be with her. THE TRUTH: This poor woman is selling herself short. She can do much better and doesn't even know it. Her self esteem is low and her self worth is damaged, and now, she has entered a cycle of unhealthy ways of relating.

Here's another example: There is a young man who is now in his early 20's. He was never popular in school, his family never supported him, and he's walked through most of his life alone. One day neighbor of his from many years back passes through town and offers to take him out for the night. He accepts. His old neighbor used to be just as poor as he was, but now he's driving a nice car with 20inch rims and killer sound system. He pulls up with the bass pumping and three girls in the back. The young man jumps in. Finally, by the end of the night, the old neighbor tells his friend that he wants to cut him in on the money, the cars and the women. Once again, the poor young man accepts. He says he doesn't care what he has to do.....he's in. The neighbor chops up two lines of pure grade A coke, and business begins with a bang. Soon, the quiet young man is living life in the fast lane, fighting, staying up for 4 days at a time in a motel room full of dirty hookers, and using his nose as a Hoover vacuum. But hey, he's finally popular. He finally has "friends", girls, and money. He finally has everything he ever wanted....or at least so he thinks. THE TRUTH: Not one person that he is partying with or selling to is really his friend. As soon as the coke will the people. The few real friends that he used to have, have all hit the highway due to his new lifestyle. All of the new "friends" will soon rob him, rat on him, stab him and leave him alone to rot. This is just one more (extreme) example of unhealthy ways of relating.

Unhealthy ways of relating don't have to be as extreme as the two examples I depicted. They can be as simple as: "I'm depressed, so I'll find someone else who is depressed....and we'll talk about depression(constantly)" or Staying in a relationship where you fight just for the make up sex. No matter what the example may be.....unhealthy relating is unhealthy relating. Plain and simple. If you can avoid it. If you can't, find out why, and seek help or advice. Life can always get better. Take care everyone!!!!!

See you next time!


  1. Another great post from you Adam! Glad to see you back. The biggest problem with unhealthy relating is sometimes one can get so caught up in that cycle that it's really, really hard to break. Or you just get used to it that it's unusual without it. Looking forward to more of your posts this year...

  2. I completely agree. I think you hit the nail right on the head. Thanks for your great contribution! Take care!

  3. True enough. Thanks for sharing this idea to us bloggers. I guess I could relate at some points in your example. Nope, not me per se, but I had known a lot of people who would like to become famous by doing the negative way. But theirs is a short-lived happiness. I just have a simple wish. I hope you grace my site by paying me a visit. ;) Happy Valentines Day!