Breaking The Silence

Deep inside of us lies buried trauma. We have hidden wounds and scars that are covered by smiles and successes. If one were to observe us as a passer-by, they might never know just how much pain we carry, and worse.....how long we've been holding it all inside of us. While sometimes it is better to listen than it is to speak, there always comes a time where one must break the silence.

Some of us walk through this world feeling so alone. We were repeatedly victimized, abandoned or abused during impressionable years, yet we rarely(if ever) told a soul. Now as adults, we go through the day to day motions, smiling on the outside in an effort to keep up an image of class and sanity, when on the inside, we are on the verge of a mental breakdown of volcanic proportions. Pressure can only build so long. An eruption is of the inevitable. The only question is....when?

So, how long are you going to hold it all in? How long are you going to wish your life was nothing more than a bad dream? How long are you going to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you? How long????? It's time to find someone to talk to. Find someone very trustworthy that you can confide in, and begin to unburden yourself one bad memory at a time. While it may hurt worse at first, there is healing in the face of forgiveness. And if you can't forgive, at least you can finally take that human size jar full of hurt, and pour it all out. It's time now. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

The Holiday Blues

It is now the middle of November, and holiday times are approaching us at a break neck pace. For some, the holidays are a time of true happiness and serious celebration. For others, this is a time of loneliness and despair. This is a time where some of us realize that we are single, without our loved ones, or at a loss of friends. This is hardly something to celebrate.

I must admit that I have "celebrated" plenty of lonely holiday times myself. While everyone else was smiling and mingling amongst friends and family, I was often alone on a couch somewhere wishing I had someone to talk to. While I often swore I would not be alone the following year.....there I was, alone, time and time again......year after year. It happens to the even the kindest of us.

Eventually after several years, I found someone. We shared many nice holiday seasons together. I finally understood what all of the celebration and joy was all about. No longer was I the lonely guy on the couch. I was a part of the conversation. I had six good years of smiles and laughter.

If you are out there wondering if you will ever find someone,don't worry, you will. I may not know you, but I can promise you that. It took me 20 years to find my first girlfriend, and when I did, I ended up with someone very beautiful. While the holiday times sure may make life seem hopeless, please know that life is any thing but that. You will eventually find what you are looking for and you will have no clue how you ended up so happy all of a sudden. So this year when you are feeling alone, make it a point to get up off of the couch and talk to someone. You just might find that it changes everything. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Listening To Advice

It can be really easy to be stubborn and hard headed. While sometimes those traits can work to one's advantage, other times, it can hinder one's ability to learn and grow. Those who are stubborn and hard headed seldom listen to advice besides their own. Though they may be observant and intelligent by nature, they will only go(and grow) so far if they are unable to take note of the wisdom of others.

So how do I know this? Easy....I have been stubborn and hard headed at times myself. During my teenage years(and early twenties), I used to get frustrated when I was corrected or put in my place. I failed to see these times as opportunities to learn and develop. I can't count how many times I thought my parents had no clue what they were talking about.......boy, was I wrong!

Now, it has become very easy to take advice from others. Once a person stops seeing another person's advice as a personal attack or an insult to their intelligence, life seems to take on a whole new meaning.....and so do all who surround them. So, if you are having trouble taking advice because you are just too damn stubborn or hard headed.....drop the guard already! You're missing out on loads of free knowledge(and of course some free bulls**t), and most likely even a few great relationships that could last a lifetime. Well, I could press on, but for now, you might just be too stubborn....so the buck stops here. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

If You Don't Love Yourself......

"If you don't love yourself, you will never be able to love someone else". Has anyone ever heard this saying before(or something similar)? While in some ways it can be disproven, in others, it is right on the money.

Sure there have been times(like when I was lying in bed sick for over a year, divorced), in which I did not exactly love myself, but, that doesn't necessarily mean that I did not care for anyone else around me. I still loved my family, and even the woman I used to be married to. The tragedy of it all, was the depth of love I was able to express, show, feel and give in return to all of those people who still loved me.

If you do not love yourself, you may still be capable of loving others, but not like you could be. When you have feelings of self loathing and depression, you are often unable to register the trademark feelings of warmth and tenderness that come with love. Instead, you feel the hollowness and neediness that a lonely, missing soul feels when they are continuously worried that their only true connection may be slipping away. Big difference.

To love oneself is not to be cocky, arrogant or self absorbed. It is merely to cherish one's life and greater qualities despite the little imperfections that all humans have, similar to the way that this person would love and accept another. Don't go through life hating yourself. I guarantee you have more good qualities than you even realize. Just ask a few of your friends. They'll tell you. Oh, and even if you are not inclined to find love for yourself for the sake of your own well being, please do find love for yourself so that you may love others like they deserve to be loved. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Why Keep Running?

It is no secret. These are hard times. It doesn't matter where you live or what industry you work in. Jobs are getting cut every time we pick up a newspaper, and people's attitudes are spiraling downward on a daily basis. While sometimes packing our bags and "heading west" may seem like the solution to our woes and worries, oftentimes it is quite the opposite.

It is only human to want to run from things that cause us heartache and pain. It is also only human to seek out people, places, or even things that can potentially provide us with some kind of pleasure(whether temporary or permanent). So while in search of greater pleasures or while attempting to escape certain elements of pain, we often get the notion that uprooting ourselves and relocating across the country will provide the solution(s) to all of our problems. Most of the time, this is not the case. I have moved many times in my life and lived in multiple states. It's hard to start over with no friends, an empty bank account, no sense of direction(geographically), and a realization that everything that you had once told yourself about your new current state of residence was mostly a fairy tale that was sold to you by crafty internet marketing tools and state tourism departments. Photographs and real life rarely seem the same.

So, if you're thinking that you can just pack up shop and move, and everything will be better once your U-haul is empty.......think again. Unless you're living in a place with very little potential(as is), you might be better off planting your feet, facing some temporarily uncomfortable times(like most people do), and emerging victorious. Meet enough people, try hard enough, and give things time, and eventually you will overcome the odds. Good luck and take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Trading Comfort for Freedom

I think at some point in time, the good majority of us have encountered a situation in which we have wanted to trade true comfort for pure freedom. In some cases, we have dumped a significant other in an effort to explore. In other cases, we quit our stable jobs in search of happiness. Regardless of the circumstance, each decision we make sure does have its pros and its cons.

So how do we know if we're making the right decision? Sometimes it's about carefully weighing the options, while other times, it's really best to trust your gut. I have a friend right now who split up with his girlfriend over a year ago. From my understanding of things, she was great. There was nothing wrong with her. According to him, he just needed to feel that sense of freedom again. To him, the price of freedom was greater than the loss of comfort. On the flip side of things, I have several other friends who are very comfortable in their relationships and would never sacrifice that sense of comfort for the mere taste of freedom.

I guess this all boils down to wants, needs and personal decision making. In the end, we know what we want. We know how we want to live our lives, and we know what is most important to us(even if just for that period of time). So is the price of comfort greater than a taste of freedom or is being forever free worth more than just being comfortable? The real answer lies within YOU. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Love Affairs and Liquor Bottles

Well......Halloween just passed, and I had a great time. I dressed up for the first time in several years and really had a blast. I wish I could say the same for everyone else. While some were out having a great time, either alone or with their significant others, many others were arguing and letting a little whiskey cloud their better judgment.

Sometimes it really baffles me what a little alcohol can do. For some, it just makes them want to sing and dance......for others, it brings out their insecurities and inner demons. "Why are you talking to him/her? Are they better looking than me? Why don't you just sleep with them?!@# Take me home! I hate you. We're through."

We've all heard comments like this before. Maybe we've even made them. Either way, they are counterproductive and they really do ruin our relationships. Let's be honest, the alcohol is hardly the real reason..... it's merely just the catalyst. So what's the real reason(s)? Unresolved life issues. Let's say I have low self esteem and feelings of low self worth......I've had a hard time finding dates throughout my entire life due to the shyness that has resulted from these issues and then I finally find someone very attractive who loves me(but I'm not so sure as to why or what would make them stay with me over someone else). Now, put a little alcohol in me.... and on the wrong night, everything is bound to come undone. I'm likely to get jealous, make accusations, be antisocial, argue with others, feel depressed, etc. Well, you get the picture.

So what am I to do? Avoid drinking? Tell my significant other not to drink? No. Communicate more about your life.....and do it in proper context, with proper timing in a proper setting. Make your significant other aware of your feelings so that they may be attentive to them in advance. Also, this may provide you with an outlet to resolve them and to find out that there is no reason to have some of your past issues at the present time. Life is good now....and somebody loves you. Why throw it away because your mind's playing tricks on you? Be just as attentive to them and to yourself as they are to you. With proper communication and attentive behavior, you just might find that next time you go out for a night on the town, it will be filled with fun and free of stress and worry. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!