Are Realists Really Miserable?

A few days ago I was serving hot dogs to one of my regulars, when we got into an in depth discussion on human intellect, behaviors, and emotions. He had just got back from a vacation to the tropics and had a really nice time. In fact, I could tell just how nice of a time he had by how relaxed his demeanor was compared to normal. You see, this guy is a great guy, but normally he is like Stallone or Clint Eastwood.....honest, sturdy, and, dependable, but you can just tell that life has beat him down a little bit more than the average guy.

So, to make a long story short he says " Hey Adam, you know how I'm always calling myself a realist? "Yeah", I said. He goes on to say... "I was reading this article on the airplane by a shrink and she says..... people who call themselves realists are really depressed....... I think the shrink is right. I've had a lot of the symptoms for the past three years and didn't even see the signs until I read the article."

Now, the average person reading this may assume I was face to face with a hypochondriac who read an article and has immediately diagnosed themselves with depression and every other disease and disorder in the book, but that was far from the case. Not this guy. This is a stand up guy who has his feet firmly on the ground and tends to assess things with brutal honesty..... only in this case it happened to be himself.

So what about you? Are you an optimist who sees the good in everything(almost to the point of naivety)? Are you a pessimist who is like a black cloud pouring negativity on all who surround you? Or....are you a "realist"? Hopefully you are all of the above and none of the above. Hopefully it all depends on the situation and the circumstance. Each frame of mind has its benefits and its pitfalls. That included being "too real". Just ask the Stallone look alike that buys hot dogs from me every couple of days. He'll tell you!!! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Time

When was the last time you had your heart broken? Do you remember just how bad that hurt? I sure do. I remember people telling me that I just needed to talk it out and everything would be alright. In some ways, those people were on to something.....in other ways, they were just asking a man to pick at sore wounds.

I believe it can help to talk about things that have traumatized you, but you really have to be ready for the emotional backlash that comes with that type of conversation. Facing the facts and living the truth is one thing, but reliving a nightmare over and over is another story.

So what am I suggesting people do to remedy their heartaches? I'm suggesting they give themselves space and time from the source. Time will heal most wounds. While we will never forget what we have been through, things sure do get easier to think about or to talk about after several months have passed. Another suggestion is to stay busy. Fill your time with plenty of postive things and positive people, so you have little time to sit in a room alone to dwell on your former moments of misery. Soon success, happiness and positive memories will fill your mind and your life, leaving no time or room for the pains that once plagued you.

Time is a magical thing. A day can last an eternity while a decade goes by in what seems like a flash. Just be patient and time will heal you too. Take care everyone!!!!

See you next time!!!

Am I Busy or Just Plain Selfish?

Lately I have been busier than ever. I have been juggling a small hot dog business, a singing/songwriting/guitar playing career, a job as a blogger here at The Daily Brain Shelter, a creator/moderator at http://globalfriendforum.com, a lifestyle as a natural bodybuilder, as well as my normal duties as a brother, a son, a friend, an owner of two dogs, a college student and a normal guy who likes to cut loose and have fun. While I try to put others first, sometimes I realize that I have been slightly more selfish than I care to admit.

You see.......Recently, I have not returned all of my phone calls, text messages and emails as promptly as I would have like to. I have cancelled social obligations due to fatigue, or even worse.....because I felt like I would rather use my limited amount of spare time to do something else(with someone else). This may sound all well and good, and in some ways it is. However, in some ways, it is not. Why? Because there is always another individual on the recieving end that might be waiting for you to call or arrive....and you are standing them up. Sure, you can not please everyone, but conciously bailing on a friend who is relying on you is just plain selfish.

So how do balance out our busy lives, our friendships, and our own personal needs without leaving loved ones waiting by the telephone or neglecting ourselves of happiness for the sake of everyone around us? We need to organize our schedules and our minds first of all. Second, we need to be completely honest with people. Some will not understand that we just can not get together with them everyday or every week like we once did. Oh well, that's just the way it is. We will often face overwhelming pressure from these people, but firmness is the only answer in staying balanced and leading an honest life. Otherwise we will be manipulated and feel weak. Then the excuses and lies start to avoid being manipulated again. I guess one could say....one of the hardest words we could ever learn to say is one of the first words we ever learn to say: "No." With that being said, I believe that I have been both busy and selfish. I have a lot to work on....as do most of us. Have some great techniques to share with our readers? Post them in the comments section below! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Kanye West, Paula Abdula and The Green Eyed Monster

Recently, there have been a few celebrities that have really been acting like nothing more than little school children with big bank accounts.....and bigger egos. Kanye West is one of them. Paula Abdul is another. These are not the only two individuals who are slipping up. Millions of others are following suit. The problem with these two is that they represent society and popular culture. They set trends as to what is the acceptable standard for our children and our communities.

When a young starlet like Taylor Swift is about to give her first big acceptance speech, and a egocentric narcissist in need of attention has such little class and self awareness as to grab the microphone from a young girl and denounce her proper placing........something has gone wrong. When a decent and kind human being with a solid reputation like Ellen Degeneres lands a spot as a judge on a TV reality show, sure, not everyone is going to like her. But.... it is a sad state of affairs, when someone with a career as accomplished and as long lasting as Paula Abdul's reverts to childhood mockery in an effort to steal back the spotlight from Ellen just beause her former seat has become occupied.

Come on people.... Give me a break. You might be improving ratings a little here and there, but you are making absolute fools of yourselves and setting low standards for younger generations to look up to. No one expects you to be perfect or to always act your age.....that would be boring! But, keep the green-eyed monster away. Jealousy has no place outside of the mind. We all become jealous from time to time, but those are feelings we must harness and do positive things with. Why sabotage others? Give it a rest.....there's plenty of pie for all of us.

Here's my take..... "The Green Eyed Monster"(jealousy/greed) is what got our country in this mess that we're in to begin with. Everyone is stabbing each other in the back to get ahead. Every now and again it sure does work.....but at what cost? So, 300 million more may suffer needlessly? We need to think people. Whether we're Kanye West stealing a microphone, Paula Abdul wearing an Ellen DeGeneres wig or Joe Schmoe doing business with John Doe, we need to keep our morals in check. Myself included. Jealously is a raging beast. It is a cause and a basis for insecurity, and a monster that must be tamed. We have created the monster.....now we must control its every move. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Irrational Fears, Panic Attacks and The Gift of Life

"What's happening to me? Are they going to hurt me? Are you sure? Am I having breathing trouble? Am I dying?" Do any of these questions sound familiar to you? If so, you might be prone to having irrational fears and panic attacks(the only way to know for sure is to ask your doctor or qualified health care professional).

When anxiety strikes, it brings out the worst in all of us. We fear for our lives ever so needlessly, sweating profusely, watching time standing still as our heart palpitates inside of our hollow chests. We beg and pray for the Lord's mercy, asking for forgiveness and swearing never to do wrong again if only we may be pardoned from death this very instant. We think of the ones we love and the ones that we've lost. Our lives suddenly become very precious, and very real. These are the moments when we realize that we are not promised another heartbeat. These are the moments we remember that we are weak, frail, and human.

If panic attacks are plaguing you frequently and interrupting your life on a daily basis, you might want to seek help.... as this may not be so healthy. If they happen only so often, they can be frightening, yet beautiful wake up calls that jump start our hearts and our minds. They can let us know that our life really does mean something to us. In all honesty, most of the time, they happen for an underlying reason. There is some type of life issue that we have yet to resolve.

So.....that being said, anxiety can ruin our lives....but only if we let it. If we don't, anxiety can propel us to soaring new heights. How will you live your life? Will you face your fears? Will you live each day like a man with no promise of tomorrow?..... Or will you wilt away and die as if yesterday was your day to drown? Take a deep breath. Enjoy it. Relax. When it is your time to go, it will most likely happen on its own. No need to worry...okay? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

What Are You Made Of?

Hitting a new plateau can be a challenge of monumental proportions. It is more than a time of stagnation. It is a time of trial and of challenge. It is a chance to overcome, to face overwhelming odds, and to emerge from the shadows of darkness like only the bravest of superheroes can. It is man versus the mountain........... It is man versus himself.

It takes great strength not to fold under the heavy hands of life sometimes. Odds are stacked against you, and chances are you will lose. But, a chance is only a chance.....and chance is a word most often used by gamblers and risk takers. You know what you are getting into....and you are going to win, damn it!!!! You have a goal, and you have a plan! This was no hair brained scheme. This is your life's work, your masterpiece, your passion, your hobby.....this is your everything! But wait......you're stuck. You've hit a plateau. Maybe you've finally reached your peak. Maybe you're all washed up. Maybe not!

Well......? What do you have to say for yourself? Are you all washed up? Are you just another "has been"? Do you want my two cents? Absolutely not! The choice is yours. The choice to get past the plateau is as strong as the will power that led you to the peak in the first place. Do you still have enough hunger to succeed? Do you have the guts to stare failure in the face, only to laugh and just work twice as hard as you did the first time? What are you made of? Huh? Tell me. Actually.....don't tell me. I don't care. It's none of my business. Take a long hard look in the mirror and tell yourself! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Words of Encouragement

Sometimes we try so hard to succeed at everything we do, only to get little or no gratification out of the process....and even sometimes......the end result. Just to hear another person's words of enouragement can completely make it all worthwhile.

Just as we have discussed on here previously, words have powerful actions(both good and bad). Words of praise can keep a person going even on their darkest of days when they were playing Russian roulette on a shaky tightrope, awaiting only the worst of all possible outcomes in their foreseeable future. Praise is motivating, inspiring, comforting and even completely life changing at times. Words of praise can make a person love themselves for the first time and they can make a person believe in themselves for the first time. They can give a person hope....and without hope, what's left?

Well, I'm sure you already knew the impact of praise and other words of encouragement, but I felt the need to re-enforce it's importance. So, when you step out of the house today(or tomorrow), I challenge you to offer words of encouragement to at least one stranger as well as one person you already know. Don't kiss butt....just give praise. Make it sincere or don't do it at all. Post your experiences in the comment section below. You are all capable of making a difference. Let's hear your stories..... Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!

Reciprocity, Ethics, and Utopian Thinking

Getting ahead in life is never easy. Let's face it.....we need as many good contacts as we can get. And, in all reality, they need us. "No man is an island"...someone once said. This is the truth. Therefore, everyone is an asset(if not a friend). Burning a bridge should never be an option.

While this may seem like a utopian way of thinking, it really does not have to be. It is really all about making choices, and developing a sound state of mind. It is also very much about the reciprocation of good deeds, good will, and ethical business transactions. This is very much different to the current standard of doing things. What this means is.....patting your neighbor on the back, and lining his pockets so he may do the same. The other option is stabbing your neighbor in the back and taking the food from the mouths of his wife and children.....and I don't like the way that sounds.

Sure, there is a flaw to all theories, including the one above.....but, sometimes it boils down to which theory has the fewer flaws, the greater benefits, and, which one holds the keys to the greatest personal success and overall satisfaction. It boils down to morals, to money, and to sheer personal decision making. How do you want to live your life....and what kind of person do you want to be? Personally, I know my answer. Do you? Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

The Analytical Mind and You

Some say that thinking too little can lead to serious troubles in our lives. I believe that thinking too much can often have a similar effect. I refer to this as the curse of the analytical mind.

Many of us pick things apart, detail by detail, just so we can understand things in their most basic element. While this may appear to be good, this is somewhat of a perfectionistic or obsessive quality. How so? When one can not just accept something as is, and must keep picking and scratching at something as if it were a mosquito bite, it is obvious that their behavior is obsessive in nature. Now, if we are obsessively analyzing everyone and everything....as well all that they say, think or do, we are going to find more wrongs than rights. Why? Because humans as creatures are far from perfect. We are all learning as we go....just making mistake after mistake along the way. Here's the kicker: each mistake we make is going to be different than the person next to us....therefore, they will rarely be able to understand our flaws. This is where judgements come in. This is where people label themselves "smart" and others "morons".

You see....those who think too much find themselves in this predicament far more often than the "Average Joe" with a balanced mindstate, average intelect, and a bloodpressure below 200 (people have strokes at 200 just so you know). Those who are far more accepting and far less analytical, have much better social skills(at least according to my observations), and far fewer walls and barriers than the analytical thinker. Each individual has his/her pro's and cons. One will most likely enjoy life a little more, while the next will understand life to a far greater degree. It's like weighing knowledge vs. pleasure. Which one do you seek? What ever you seek most at the core of your true self will prevail. This will determine if you are an more of an analyst, a hedonist, or someone that falls somewhere in between.

So who are you? What's on your mind? Are you picking this article apart? Are you picking me apart? Yourself? Your neighbor? Maybe you just read this for fun while drinking a beer and could not give a damn. That's cool too. Whatever. All of us have something special to offer. The analyst will make us think, the hedonist will bring us pleasure, and the man in the middle will teach us balance. As for me...I probably think a little too much. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

False Promises

My father once told me "A man is nothing without his word". At the time, I had no idea what that statement really meant. I was young, naive, and still ripe to the ways of the world. Now, after a few more decades of seasoning, this statement hits home harder than ever.

In today's society, we are often misguided by the charming ways of others. Sometimes it's an intentional effort to get us to do something for them(as I mentioned in one of my previous posts), and other times, it is merely just a way to impress us, to seek approval, or to gain our friendship. No matter what the motive may be, it always leads to the dissappointment of the other person.

This world has enough actors and actresses to last several lifetimes over. It has enough liars, snakes and thieves to fill the pits of hell for all of eternity. The last thing the world needs, is for you and me to jump on the bandwagon, and to continue the cycle of hurt. Have I hurt someone before? Unfortunately....yes. Have you? I'm sure you have. Do we need to continue hurting others? Absolutely not. This is the time in our lives where we as people start being true to others and to ourselves. This is where we start acting like grown men and women. This is where we quit making promises we can not keep. This is a time to deliver. This is the time for truth, for loyalty, for love, and for kindness. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

Adaptation

It's funny how life works sometimes. One minute we have these big plans to do one thing, then the next....plans change and we are forced to re-think everything that was once so clear and tangible. We go through life fighting this never ending battle between transparency and blending in. One minute, we want people to see right through us, to know exactly what is on our minds and exactly how we feel....the next, we are chameleons, just trying to blend with the scenery, wishing for nothing more than a little escape.

No matter what it is that we do..... we are always doing, or trying to do one thing.....adapting. Adaptation is how we as animals survive in the wilderness, and how we as people survive in the workplace. Our environmental factors, our backgrounds, our scenery, our friends and our foes are continuously changing(and even sometimes evolving) around us.....right before our very eyes. This makes each day different from the next, and each situation we encounter separate and unique.

Although sometimes it takes more than a couple of spots and stripes to hide us, or a small sign on our foreheads to see right through us.......we all show signs of adaptation(just think about what following a trend really is......it's blending). There is nothing wrong with any of this. In fact it's all probably for the better. It's basic human survival. Let's even go back into trends for a minute....the ones who follow the trends end up being the most popular. Those who are well liked, well dressed, trendy, etc statistically get better jobs, better pay, and wind up with more social connections. At some level that may even mean that they are better survivors then most others....

Regardless of who is more popular or who is the better survivor, change is inevitable, and adaptation is a tried and true method for dealing with change. One who can adapt can make the best out of any situation. He or she can always turn lemons into lemonade. Salt into sugar. Dirt into gold....or even rain into rainbows. Adaptation will always separate the living from the dead, the happy from the sad.....and even the rich from the poor. So............ how are you doing? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Facing Up To Attackers.....

Recently, I had a parting of ways with someone who was very dear to me. Unfortunately, I was judged wrongly by a friend of this individual which lead to a very distasteful text message being sent to me. It happened to be full of all kinds of name calling and swear words. So how did I respond? At first...completely wrong. I took the bait and bit the worm at the end of the hook. I texted back a quick two word phrase best described by holding up one's middle finger. Not the brightest move on my part. So what happened? This person felt as if they got a rise out of me(which really was not the case, as I was kind of laughing and just blowing them off for being rude). Anyway, to make a long story short, my immature, quick-witted response led to a short string of other attempts to antagonize me and get under my skin. However....this time they failed. I ignored the next few text messages, and finally things cooled down.

So why am I telling you this? Why am I airing dirty laundry? Well, I felt that I had made a mistake in my initial response. I learned from it, and figured that I would pass it along to all of you. After all....who doesn't encounter verbal attackers at some point in their lives? We all do. That being said, the best thing we can do is not add fuel to the fire....unless we are seeking an argument ourselves(which I believe is highly toxic). This is not to say that you should not stand up for your self against a bully, or have a back bone. It just means... pick your battles. If someone is being petty or immature, let them run their mouth. Who cares? It's wasted time and wasted energy. They will burn themselves out. If you feed into their cycle of chaos, they will know they can tap into you whenever they want to create tension. If you ignore them, all of their efforts will be wasted, and they will find it pointless. If this is someone that you are living with who seems to follow you around the house just to continue argue, then leave. Get some space. If this continues, you need to strongly assess your relationship with that person.

Facing up to attackers is never easy. At times it is quite intimidating. But...it is a skill, like any other, that we must develop over time to survive in this world. We must not allow ourselves to fall victim of a verbal predator. Quality of life is everything....let no man take it away. Do what you have to depending on the situation. Press the ignore button on your cell phone, walk away, shrug it off and laugh...whatever. As my friend's older brother says....Life is 10% "what happens to you", and 90%" how you deal with it". It's your move from here. What will you do?....... Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

I'm Thankful For......

To bitch and moan about everything that is wrong in your life or everything that you don't have(or everything that someone else does have), has become nothing short of the new social standard. What ever happened to "I may not have(insert something you desire)........but, I sure am lucky that(insert something that you do have)"......? Times sure have changed, but it is due to our attitudes and outlooks on things. Do we see the good....or just the bad?

There is so much to be thankful for in this life. Most of us have eyesight, hearing, friends, family, food, entertainment, clean water, good health, shelter, and clothing.......we are so fortunate. But what do I hear? "I'm so sick of this......I'm so sick of that.......I've got it so bad......wah, wah, wah" . Listen and listen good........Suck it up. There is someone who has it much worse than you do who is out there smiling right now enjoying life and taking their hardships on the chin, while you're curled up on your armchair, pouting, and feeling sorry for yourself........ and for what?

Listen, I'm no millionarie either, but let me tell you.....I am thankful for so many things: My mom, my dad,my brother, my dogs, my health, my guitar, my wonderful readers here on www.brainshelter.com and so much more. What are you thankful for? Come on, there has to be something. Face it. If you have the physical, intellectual, or financial means to read this......you don't have it that bad. Someone else's family is getting bombarded by a hurricane as they hold on for dear life in a fragile straw hut somewhere in the Pacific Islands. So.....tonight before you go to bed, end your night with "I'm thankful for....." If you can start your morning with the same phrase. Your outlook on life will change forever, and each day will always be better than the last. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Rapid Transformations

Let's face it. We want results...and we want them quick. Better yet, we want them now. So, with that being said, is there such a thing as a rapid transformation? Yes, there is.....but few people know how to change or transform their lives or bodies in very short periods of time(and the ones who do, rarely do what it takes to achieve their goals).

Now, before you get depressed and throw in the towel, please realize that you CAN do absolutely ANYTHING you put your mind to. Let's use the human body for example(since being in shape is very popular these days). Ready? And yes....I've done this myself and have succeeded. Oh, and I've also failed numerous times before cracking the code..... Okay, let's begin.

First, you need to have a goal. What do you want to achieve? What do you want to look like...and by what date? Second, you need to devise a STRICT game plan. Without being COMPLETELY dedicated, your transformation could take literally 20 times as long....or more! Trust me. In my case, if I want to lose all of my bodyfat and have six pack abs, I need to cut out ALL carbohydrates(including from beverages). To preserve my muscle and maintain size and shape(yes this is equally important for women), I need to up my protein intake(this usually means chicken breast and water 6 times a day), and lift heavier weights in the gym. Once every 4-5 days I will have one big meal full of carbohydrates to replenish my body. The cravings are horrible, but the results are worth it. You'll see. Third, you need to have patience, consistency, drive, and an optimistic attitude at all times. Your mindset is everything. You will have your bad days here and there, but realize that they are only bad days and you will get past them very shortly. This is really all it takes as far as the basics are concerned. The more focused, determined and driven you become, the faster your goals will come to fruition.

The steps above have helped me in my quest to improve my health, but they have also carried over into many more areas in my life. Please read this article and apply the steps to your individual goals.....not mine. The reason I wrote this was to help other succeed. Please post your success stories on the comment section underneath sometime soon! I can't wait to hear them! Good luck everyone. I have faith in all of you! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

*Please consult a physician before starting any diet or fitness regimen*

A Healthy Social Life....

Human communication and interpersonal connections can truly be a vital element in our quest for optimal health and lifelong happiness. Although reaching out to others can sometimes be a challenge, it can also be very rewarding on many different levels.

Think about it. How many times have you spent a series of days, nights....or even weeks, or months without ever seeing or talking to a friend? How lonely was that? How hard were those times? They were hard.....weren't they? Of course. Now, no one is saying that a little bit of downtime alone or personal space is not healthy, but isolationism will eventually get the best of all of us. Don't believe me? Interview anyone in a maximum security prison who has spent more than 90 days in "the hole" (solitary confinement). Even the toughest and hardest of all human beings need a few basic emotional elements to survive.......elements such as human contact and communication. Without it, we are left to our own devices. This is when our thought patterns change for the worst, our balance is lost, and we tend to lose our way in the world. This is often due to misconceived notions as to how people or things really operate in the world around us.....a world that we are very much removed from.

Having a healthy social life does not mean being popular. Popular is word best left for 7th graders and voters. Get over that notion right now. Having a healthy social life means enjoying the company of friends(both old and new ones) on a regular basis. It means learning new things from new people, reminiscing about the past with old buddies over a six pack, or hanging out and talking shop with a few random co-workers after everyone has punched out for the day. When you think about it in those terms, it doesn't sound so hard...does it? No. The only challenge is making time. Everyone always seems to be to busy....but few really are. Put yourself out there and see what happens for a change. Who knows? You might have a great time, or your next outing might be an absolute disaster. But......if you don't ever get out there, you will have lived a life devoid of all human contact and communication on a recreational level. Years will slip away, people will pass....and eventually, so will you. Make life count. Have a little fun while you're here.....and invite someone along for the ride! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

The Power of a Compliment

The human mind is strong, and the human spirit is stronger ...... but more times than not, a strong spirit and a strong mind are accompanied by a fragile ego. No matter how good our poker faces are in the presence of proper company, behind closed doors we lie devoid of all of our emotional clothing and exposed in only the most honest of ways. We need assurance, reassurance, love, friendship, and desire nothing more than........a sincere compliment.

We as humans take in so much these days. We see so many people with beauty, wealth, power and influence that we often feel inadequate.....even if we have college degrees, nice homes, great families, decent cars, good jobs, nice looks......whatever. There will always be something we don't have. And, no matter how greatful we are for what we DO have, we as humans somehow always seem to focus on what is missing. This is where we lose sight of our talents, our grace, our beauty, our stability......all kinds of wonderful things. That is.......until someone pays us a compliment.

I don't think I can stress this enough. The power of a compliment can really go a long way. How many times have you felt unattractive or undesirable for weeks or months at a time, then all of a sudden the cashier at the grocery store tells you how cute you are? After not hearing this in months, this really makes your day. It doesn't matter that he or she is completely unattractive themselves. It's just really nice to hear. It makes us feel good. This may not be the perfect example that tailors to you or your life, but I'm sure that from reading this one example, most of you can draw a pretty close parallel.

So.......whatever it was that someone last said to you that really made your day(and it may have been quite a while ago), remember what that felt like. It felt pretty good didn't it? Of course. Your goal is to find at least one friend and one stranger, and pay them a compliment....even if it seems like it is from out of left field. Some may respond positively, and some may not know how to respond, so they may put up some walls at first. But.......when you walk away after complimenting this individual,showing them that there was truly nothing in it for you(no strings attached), it will sink in......big time. It will make their day. Post some comments on here and let me know what compliments have made your day, or what you have said to make others happy. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!