A Self Defeating Mentality

Our thoughts really do have an enormous impact on the outcomes of our lives and the decisions that we make. When we choose to think in a positive and uplifting manner, we tend to make better choices and attract better people.....not to mention better opportunities. The reverse is also true. When we are negative and self defeating, it is very easy to watch our lives spiral downward right before our own two eyes. Life is all what we make of it. The world outside starts with the world inside( inside our minds, that is).

Some days it is so easy to remain positive. It is almost effortless. Other days, it takes a conscious effort like no other. It takes repetitive self talk, and convincing of the self just to smile and make it through the day. No matter what it takes, or how easy(or hard) it is, starting and ending the day in a positive manner will always prove to be better than falling victim to a self defeating mentality.

So what is a self defeating mentality? Rather than giving you a lame and sterile dictionary definition, I'll define it as it applies to life and to the self. A self defeating mentality is a negative or hopeless, cyclical thought process in which one only sees their glass( or the glasses of others) as being half-empty. It is a state of mind full of fears, doubts and "I cant's". It is a limitation of the human spirit, of personal achievement and a continuous decline in happiness or quality of life. It is best described as an constant internal struggle in which one defeats oneself. Pretty sad.

The biggest thing that I have learned from going through stages of life with each of these mentalities is: in the end, it's all a choice. It was my choice to think positively, and it was my choice to remain depressed. It was all a matter of how bad I wanted quality of life. At what point was I ready to be strong enough? When would enough be enough? I guess the answer is now. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Breaking The Silence

Deep inside of us lies buried trauma. We have hidden wounds and scars that are covered by smiles and successes. If one were to observe us as a passer-by, they might never know just how much pain we carry, and worse.....how long we've been holding it all inside of us. While sometimes it is better to listen than it is to speak, there always comes a time where one must break the silence.

Some of us walk through this world feeling so alone. We were repeatedly victimized, abandoned or abused during impressionable years, yet we rarely(if ever) told a soul. Now as adults, we go through the day to day motions, smiling on the outside in an effort to keep up an image of class and sanity, when on the inside, we are on the verge of a mental breakdown of volcanic proportions. Pressure can only build so long. An eruption is of the inevitable. The only question is....when?

So, how long are you going to hold it all in? How long are you going to wish your life was nothing more than a bad dream? How long are you going to look in the mirror and hate the person staring back at you? How long????? It's time to find someone to talk to. Find someone very trustworthy that you can confide in, and begin to unburden yourself one bad memory at a time. While it may hurt worse at first, there is healing in the face of forgiveness. And if you can't forgive, at least you can finally take that human size jar full of hurt, and pour it all out. It's time now. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

The Holiday Blues

It is now the middle of November, and holiday times are approaching us at a break neck pace. For some, the holidays are a time of true happiness and serious celebration. For others, this is a time of loneliness and despair. This is a time where some of us realize that we are single, without our loved ones, or at a loss of friends. This is hardly something to celebrate.

I must admit that I have "celebrated" plenty of lonely holiday times myself. While everyone else was smiling and mingling amongst friends and family, I was often alone on a couch somewhere wishing I had someone to talk to. While I often swore I would not be alone the following year.....there I was, alone, time and time again......year after year. It happens to the even the kindest of us.

Eventually after several years, I found someone. We shared many nice holiday seasons together. I finally understood what all of the celebration and joy was all about. No longer was I the lonely guy on the couch. I was a part of the conversation. I had six good years of smiles and laughter.

If you are out there wondering if you will ever find someone,don't worry, you will. I may not know you, but I can promise you that. It took me 20 years to find my first girlfriend, and when I did, I ended up with someone very beautiful. While the holiday times sure may make life seem hopeless, please know that life is any thing but that. You will eventually find what you are looking for and you will have no clue how you ended up so happy all of a sudden. So this year when you are feeling alone, make it a point to get up off of the couch and talk to someone. You just might find that it changes everything. Have a Happy Thanksgiving! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Listening To Advice

It can be really easy to be stubborn and hard headed. While sometimes those traits can work to one's advantage, other times, it can hinder one's ability to learn and grow. Those who are stubborn and hard headed seldom listen to advice besides their own. Though they may be observant and intelligent by nature, they will only go(and grow) so far if they are unable to take note of the wisdom of others.

So how do I know this? Easy....I have been stubborn and hard headed at times myself. During my teenage years(and early twenties), I used to get frustrated when I was corrected or put in my place. I failed to see these times as opportunities to learn and develop. I can't count how many times I thought my parents had no clue what they were talking about.......boy, was I wrong!

Now, it has become very easy to take advice from others. Once a person stops seeing another person's advice as a personal attack or an insult to their intelligence, life seems to take on a whole new meaning.....and so do all who surround them. So, if you are having trouble taking advice because you are just too damn stubborn or hard headed.....drop the guard already! You're missing out on loads of free knowledge(and of course some free bulls**t), and most likely even a few great relationships that could last a lifetime. Well, I could press on, but for now, you might just be too stubborn....so the buck stops here. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

If You Don't Love Yourself......

"If you don't love yourself, you will never be able to love someone else". Has anyone ever heard this saying before(or something similar)? While in some ways it can be disproven, in others, it is right on the money.

Sure there have been times(like when I was lying in bed sick for over a year, divorced), in which I did not exactly love myself, but, that doesn't necessarily mean that I did not care for anyone else around me. I still loved my family, and even the woman I used to be married to. The tragedy of it all, was the depth of love I was able to express, show, feel and give in return to all of those people who still loved me.

If you do not love yourself, you may still be capable of loving others, but not like you could be. When you have feelings of self loathing and depression, you are often unable to register the trademark feelings of warmth and tenderness that come with love. Instead, you feel the hollowness and neediness that a lonely, missing soul feels when they are continuously worried that their only true connection may be slipping away. Big difference.

To love oneself is not to be cocky, arrogant or self absorbed. It is merely to cherish one's life and greater qualities despite the little imperfections that all humans have, similar to the way that this person would love and accept another. Don't go through life hating yourself. I guarantee you have more good qualities than you even realize. Just ask a few of your friends. They'll tell you. Oh, and even if you are not inclined to find love for yourself for the sake of your own well being, please do find love for yourself so that you may love others like they deserve to be loved. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Why Keep Running?

It is no secret. These are hard times. It doesn't matter where you live or what industry you work in. Jobs are getting cut every time we pick up a newspaper, and people's attitudes are spiraling downward on a daily basis. While sometimes packing our bags and "heading west" may seem like the solution to our woes and worries, oftentimes it is quite the opposite.

It is only human to want to run from things that cause us heartache and pain. It is also only human to seek out people, places, or even things that can potentially provide us with some kind of pleasure(whether temporary or permanent). So while in search of greater pleasures or while attempting to escape certain elements of pain, we often get the notion that uprooting ourselves and relocating across the country will provide the solution(s) to all of our problems. Most of the time, this is not the case. I have moved many times in my life and lived in multiple states. It's hard to start over with no friends, an empty bank account, no sense of direction(geographically), and a realization that everything that you had once told yourself about your new current state of residence was mostly a fairy tale that was sold to you by crafty internet marketing tools and state tourism departments. Photographs and real life rarely seem the same.

So, if you're thinking that you can just pack up shop and move, and everything will be better once your U-haul is empty.......think again. Unless you're living in a place with very little potential(as is), you might be better off planting your feet, facing some temporarily uncomfortable times(like most people do), and emerging victorious. Meet enough people, try hard enough, and give things time, and eventually you will overcome the odds. Good luck and take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Trading Comfort for Freedom

I think at some point in time, the good majority of us have encountered a situation in which we have wanted to trade true comfort for pure freedom. In some cases, we have dumped a significant other in an effort to explore. In other cases, we quit our stable jobs in search of happiness. Regardless of the circumstance, each decision we make sure does have its pros and its cons.

So how do we know if we're making the right decision? Sometimes it's about carefully weighing the options, while other times, it's really best to trust your gut. I have a friend right now who split up with his girlfriend over a year ago. From my understanding of things, she was great. There was nothing wrong with her. According to him, he just needed to feel that sense of freedom again. To him, the price of freedom was greater than the loss of comfort. On the flip side of things, I have several other friends who are very comfortable in their relationships and would never sacrifice that sense of comfort for the mere taste of freedom.

I guess this all boils down to wants, needs and personal decision making. In the end, we know what we want. We know how we want to live our lives, and we know what is most important to us(even if just for that period of time). So is the price of comfort greater than a taste of freedom or is being forever free worth more than just being comfortable? The real answer lies within YOU. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Love Affairs and Liquor Bottles

Well......Halloween just passed, and I had a great time. I dressed up for the first time in several years and really had a blast. I wish I could say the same for everyone else. While some were out having a great time, either alone or with their significant others, many others were arguing and letting a little whiskey cloud their better judgment.

Sometimes it really baffles me what a little alcohol can do. For some, it just makes them want to sing and dance......for others, it brings out their insecurities and inner demons. "Why are you talking to him/her? Are they better looking than me? Why don't you just sleep with them?!@# Take me home! I hate you. We're through."

We've all heard comments like this before. Maybe we've even made them. Either way, they are counterproductive and they really do ruin our relationships. Let's be honest, the alcohol is hardly the real reason..... it's merely just the catalyst. So what's the real reason(s)? Unresolved life issues. Let's say I have low self esteem and feelings of low self worth......I've had a hard time finding dates throughout my entire life due to the shyness that has resulted from these issues and then I finally find someone very attractive who loves me(but I'm not so sure as to why or what would make them stay with me over someone else). Now, put a little alcohol in me.... and on the wrong night, everything is bound to come undone. I'm likely to get jealous, make accusations, be antisocial, argue with others, feel depressed, etc. Well, you get the picture.

So what am I to do? Avoid drinking? Tell my significant other not to drink? No. Communicate more about your life.....and do it in proper context, with proper timing in a proper setting. Make your significant other aware of your feelings so that they may be attentive to them in advance. Also, this may provide you with an outlet to resolve them and to find out that there is no reason to have some of your past issues at the present time. Life is good now....and somebody loves you. Why throw it away because your mind's playing tricks on you? Be just as attentive to them and to yourself as they are to you. With proper communication and attentive behavior, you just might find that next time you go out for a night on the town, it will be filled with fun and free of stress and worry. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Focus On The Positive

This is a cruel and fast paced world that will swallow us alive if we let it(but only if we let it). While it is all too easy to get hung up on daily life stresses, worries and things that we may not be able to control, it is almost always better to focus on the positive(provided there is no neglect for any of our essential daily duties).

Let's face it. There will always be stress. There will always be worry and there will always be problems that for some reason or another are out of our control. We will then be left with two major choices: 1) focus on all that is wrong and live a life of fear, doubt, and overwhelming panic or 2) focus on the positive.......concentrate on the good things that are going on around us or things we have to look forward to in our futures.

While no one can ever promise us that life will be easy, small little changes in our ways of thinking can go a long way towards making things feel that way. As I've mentioned before: Life is 10% "what happens to us" and 90% "how we handle it". It is up to us to create our own quality of life. And really, it all starts with our frame of mind. Will we focus on all that is going wrong and stressing us out, or will we focus on the positive and all that is right? I know my answer. What's yours? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Struggle vs. The Cheeseburger

"Life is a journey......not a destination". That being said, those who stick out the hard times and keep on truckin' are almost always the ones that reap the greatest of rewards in the end. On the flip side, those who do not have the grit or the intestinal fortitude to endure such struggle usually end up beaten down by life, bitter, depressed and left deprived of all desirable remunerations.

While sometimes I'm a big fan of the saying "The best things in life are free"(hey, I like a free cheeseburger as much as the next guy!).............I'm also a firm believer in the theory that the best things in life are those that you sweat, struggle and break your back for. When something doesn't come easy and you have to earn it, we almost always tend to value it much more than anything that merely falls into our lap. I'm sure each and everyone of you know what I'm talking about.

Now should life be an endless struggle? Of course not. But should we expect it to be a series of one free cheeseburger after the next? No. That really wouldn't be so rewarding either. So if you've been living the past several months or even years of your life expecting the free burgers to keep coming your way, you are only short changing yourself and setting yourself up for a lifetime of disappointment. Rarely do continous handouts like this ever happen.....and should you be so "lucky" to have this happen, you will never experience the pride of accomplishment. You will never experience the pride that comes with earning something that you struggled with or worked hard for. That, is a certain type of satisfaction that no endless amount of free cheeseburgers can replace.

Ultimately, your life is your choice. Only you can decide how you want to proceed with your daily functions. I know that I've had my share of struggles and my share of free cheeseburgers, and when I look back......I've always learned the most and appreciated the most from my times of struggle. In retrospect, they have ultimately led to the greatest long term personal gains, fulfillments and successes. In hindsight, struggle is something I would never go back in time and change. As for the free cheeseburgers? I probably could have survived just fine without them anyway. For those of you currently going through times of struggle, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. This will not all be in vain. Keep truckin'! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

You Set The Tone.

Attitude is everything in this world. Unfortunately, sometimes we all lose sight of this. What's worse, is when everything is going well for us, but we have that one best friend or co-worker that just seems to be a constant downer. Their lives really aren't so bad, yet they complain, they whine and they make it known to all that everyday of their lives is such a stressful "struggle". Occasionally, we lose our signature optimism and sunniness after being spoon fed their negativity and woe is me "B.S." for weeks at a time. But really, it is up to us to snap out of it. It is up to us to separate.....either mentally or physically(or both). It is up to us to set the tone.

Negativity is like a 2-ton anchor on a 5-pound sail boat. It is a recipe for disaster. The moment you attach it to the boat, it immediately starts submerging. Now let's face it, if your sail gets caught up in theirs......there's a damn good chance your taking the plunge right along with them. So....is it your destiny to be a sinking ship, lost at the bottom of a deserted ocean that no one cares about, or would you rather be the shooting star, filled with hope, that people look up to when they stare at the sky every night? I know my answer.

I have had a lot of people weigh me down in this world. And you know what? I have let them. Either I have not chosen to distance myself from them, or I have not told them to just quit complaining already......because I'm done listening. Now don't get me wrong, if someone has a real problem or really needs someone, I will ALWAYS be there. However, I have promised myself that I will no longer be there for the "habitual offenders". These are the people that have no desire to change their attitudes. They WANT to complain(even though they say that they don't) and they LIKE to complain. They are ADDICTED TO A FEELING(see previous post) and they have no desire to change. I DO. I want to change. I want to improve. I want to become a better person. I want to be around other people who want to better themselves(regardless of where they come from, where they are currently at, or who they are). I want a better quality of life.....and that all starts with our attitudes. Oh, and don't even start on the topic of money and happiness with me, I'm sick of hearing it. If you can pay your bills, you have enough....quit complaining. There are a lot of smiling faces in third world countries who have a whole lot less, and their attitudes far surpass yours......now get over it and live already. Enough said.

So whether you're an optimist, a complainer, or someone somewhere in the middle, hopefully by now you get the picture. Life is all in the attitude......and you set the tone. Please be careful of what tone you set though. It might not just be your life that you are influencing, it could be the lives of all of those who surround you......even if you seldom say so much as one word. Set the tone for the better and make your world a better place. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Addicted To A Feeling

If you ever take a moment to stop and reflect on the phases and stages of your life, you will most likely be able to accompany a strong feeling with what was going on at that point in time. While feelings can change from day to day and hour to hour, most often, there is one general feeling that resides within us for lengthy periods of time. This is the one that we choose to hold onto. This often becomes our feeling of addiction.

Some people are addicted to the rush that their own anger gives them, so they remain angry all of their lives......never stopping to realize that they are shooting themselves in the foot with their actions and their moods to significant degrees. They only respond with programed statements such as "I don't care. or "Who gives a ****!" Once you become an addict, statements like these become as second nature as waking up and reaching for your pack of cigarettes or cup of coffee. Maybe you already know this.....maybe you don't give a (insert swear word of choice here)!

Don't just think that I'm picking on all of you angry people out there today. Some of you comedians who are addicted to laughter are often masking a word of pain as well. You are hooked on the high that comedy and humorous social interaction gives you. You seek laughs at all times, whether appropriate or not.

Oh, and workaholics......to be hooked on the high of productivity can be wonderful thing can't it? That is until you get so focused and blinded by success that you lose everything else important in your life. Wake up already! Your wife is about to leave and your kids have no idea who their own dad is. Is your pencil pushing job such an adrenaline rush that you're willing to throw your family away? What's it going to feel like when your boss decides he wants an adrenaline rush of his own and he hands you a small cardboard box to put your things in? So now you have no job.......and no family. Good luck out there buddy!

So what was the purpose of this post? Was it to bash everyone for the way they are living? Was it to make myself look all-knowing or important? Was it to belittle those with life issues and addictions? No, no and no. This post was a wake up call. I have been the man in all three scenarios(minus the kids). I have had to learn to balance out strong emotions that have been both positive and negative. I have found that there is no real place for addiction in this world.....not even in our minds. We need to have balance to see things clearly and to act accordingly. Get your emotions in check and overcome your addictions before the best(or last) years of your life slip away. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Unrealistic Expectations

"I should have a big house, a BMW, two kids and a great spouse to come home to by now!" How many times have you heard statements like these? Better yet.....how many times have you made statements like these? While sometimes powerful exclamations such as the one previously mentioned will motivate us, more often it serves as a catalyst for a downward spiral in our self esteem(s) and our patterns of thought.

Before I go any further, let me clarify one major issue. Having high standards and expectations for oneself is a good thing. It is when we lose sight of OUR individual reality that expectations become unrealistic and pressures become overwhelming. "Jimmy Smith from high school was making six figures at 21 years old....so was Sally Morgan. I got better grades and had more friends than either of them. I should be making six figures by now too.....after all, I am twenty-five." Here is another example of an anonymous person placing unrealistic expectations upon themselves. Now is it unrealistic for this person for this person to make a six figure income like Jimmy and Sally? No. Absolutely not. What is unrealistic is comparing your reality to theirs and expecting to be where you want at this very moment.....especially when we are talking about people who are younger and less experienced(yes, I fall into this category too). This is a very important lesson to learn.

While we can make unrealistic expectations of ourselves, we are not always the only ones who have fallen a few footsteps short of reality. Sometimes it is other people who have unrealistic expectations of us. "I was a doctor, my father was a doctor, and his father was a doctor.......You are going to be a doctor. Understand? No more screwing up. No more wasting time on this Shakespeare nonsense......now get out of here and hit the books." Here's another example of unrealistic expectations and insurmountable pressure that is often bestowed upon many of us. People often neglect to realize that their reality may be much different than yours. Their love for modern medicine and healing the sick may not be a love of yours, just like your love for teaching Literature and changing impressionable minds, may not be a passion of theirs.

Each and everyone of us is very unique. We lead different lives and have different journeys that we go on. Why do you think that there are so many different types of career titles out there? Why do you think that we can specialize in so many different areas both in or out of school? We are all contributors to a greater global equation. That being said, it is so important for us to realize that equations are solved in steps. Each step takes time.....just like the pieces of our lives. We will figure out the equation called life as we go, and each step will start making more sense. There is always more than one way to solve an equation, just like there is more than one way to live a life, so don't be surprised if you get a job before someone else or they fall in love before you........ or everything in reverse. Your time will come. Just keep hope alive and work your tail off in a methodical way. Realistically, all you need to do is be yourself and live the best life you know how. That is good enough! Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

Are You Being Challenged?

Let me ask you a question. Are you living up to your true potential right now? If so, pass this article on to someone else. If not, take a seat. If you are not living up to all of YOUR own expectations, then it is time to kick things into high gear. It is time to challenge yourself. New Years may be just around the corner, but tomorrow waits for no one!

The first thing I want all of you reading this to do is to throw away all of your excuses. I don't want to hear them and neither should you. They are just standing in the way of you and your potential. How do I know? I used to make excuses and procrastinate. Not anymore. Now I take action...... and so can you.

Next, choose an area of your life that is not up to par or that is incomplete, such as your education or your woodworking skills.....then map out three goals and commit to them. Map out your 6month goal, your 1 year goal and your long term goal. Then, find out how to get yourself enrolled in a program within the week(even if the program itself does not start for 90 days). I did this with school and it was one of the best decisions of my life. I had been away from the books for 10 years and never would have stepped foot back in the classroom if this same advice had not been given to me.....or if I had failed to listen to it.

So what are you going to do? Are you going to live out your days leaving imprints of your rectum on people's couch cushions or are you going to get you butt off the love seat and do something worth your time and energy? Are you going to stare at late night infomercials wishing you had six pack abs or will you get a gym membership and learn the science behind physical training and muscular adaptation? Will you education end at age 17 or will you choose learn something new each and every year of your life? What will you do?

In the end, life is not about how many trophies you have compared to the next guy. Its not about how much money you and your spouse have in comparison to Mr and Mrs Jones. It's about self satisfaction. It's about personal fulfillment. It's about living up to your true potential. It's about challenging yourself.....and succeeding. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Criticism

Listening to criticism from others can be a double edged sword. Some words of correction or admonition lead to self improvement and greater good. Other times, such types of reproval by others can be counterproductive and abrasive.....especially when one's intentions are not to lead another individual in a better direction. Sometimes it can be hard to differentiate.

An example of constructive criticism would be telling an aspiring singer that they have a world of potential, however, if they really want to maximize their potential, they need to use more diaphragm and less throat. Now, that being said, there is no way to know if the intended party is going to take your friendly advice as constructive criticism or as an insult. It all depends on their level of emotional maturity, the size of their ego and their desire to get better.....oh, and how you choose to phrase things. This is also true in reverse. When constructive criticism is sent your way, how will you respond? Will you learn and grow from it or pout like a child?

Insults are a different story. Criticism with no desire to help another human being should often(but not always) be taken with a grain of salt. If you are being a jerk, sometimes you need a slap in the face. If that is not who you are, this type of criticism should most likely be disregarded. Oftentimes it is coming from someone who needs a wake up call of their own. They would rather point out your flaws than let you see theirs, so they will criticize you(or anyone else) any opportunity they get to do so. An example of that would be if someone told that same aspiring singer from the first paragraph that they are horrendous and might as well throw in the towel. Real singers are born with a gift. You either have it or you don't...sorry. Now this would crush some people! But if you learn to differentiate between different types of criticism, you'll soon be able to brush off comments like these from jealous or negative individuals.

I'm sure at this point in your lives, most of you already have a pretty good idea as to what is a compliment and what is an insult. But, differentiating between one type of criticism and the next often falls into a gray area that is rarely discussed. Hopefully, this helped bring some clarity to those of you who have been having some trouble with this concept, and some re-enforcement to those of you who already had a handle on the subject. In summary, if it's not meant to help, it's meant to hurt.....so take it with a grain of salt and move on with your life. Keep striving for excellence, and keep me posted with all of you success stories. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

If It Ain't Broke........

"If it ain't broke.....don't fix it" (or so they say). I happen to disagree. Someone invented a perfectly good wheel a long time ago. Today, someone is making that same invention a whole lot better. So basically what I'm saying is: If it ain't broke......try to fix it anyway.

Some of you out there might be wondering what on earth I'm getting at.....the rest of you already have a pretty good grasp. In my humble opinion, there is no reason for stagnation or complacency. We live such short little lives. Why not make an impact? Why settle for less? Why not improve the quality of life for ourselves or for others? Why do less when we can do more? Why have that epiphany one moment before our death that lets us know that we have consciously wasted our lives? Why?

Sure, we might be content with the way things operate now. We might be content with our job, our finances, our tools, our toys, or the way our vehicles function.......and that is all well and good. But, did you ever stop to think about what it would be like if people were so "content" with everything generations ago? We would have nothing! We would have no modern conveniences and luxuries. Modern medicine probably would not exist. Science would be a joke. Our wheel would look more like a triangle or a square than a circle. Our quality of life would most likely be garbage. So what are we doing? Why are we so content? Let's make our impact as well.

So please, after you get done reading this, go out and look around. Find something that you could change for the better. Maybe you won't find that particular thing today or even tomorrow....but you will find it. And guess what? You will end up making an impact on someone's life. It doesn't matter if the impact is big or small. Any increase in quality of life is still an increase. If everyone does what you and I are about to do, we will see a lot of great new inventions and improvements come to life in the near future. So, just remember: If it ain't broke.....try to fix it anyway. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Failing To Plan.....

There's a wise saying out there that I'd like to share with all of you. The saying goes: "Failing to plan.....is planning to fail." While in some cases this theory can be proven false by the ever so popular "Fly by the seat of your pants method", in most other cases(like those that really matter), this theory is usually quite accurate.

While planning can be a boring and tedious way of living or doing things, it will most likely bring about the greatest amount of success and the least amount of disappointments. Risks will become more calculated, and losses will most likely become less frequent. And while this last statement may sound like it was just referring to the corporate world or the world of finance and business, it can actually refer to many other life situations, complex personal problems or anything that involves a risk/reward scenario.

If you have been failing to plan, you have been setting yourself up. For what? You can answer that one. Have you fulfilled all of your goals? Achieved your dreams? Maximized your potential? Why or why not? Was it luck? Curse? Planning....or failure to do just that? It's time to assess things. It's time to start planning. Time to start planning for a better future. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Explore Your Options

Sometimes we set ourselves on a one-way course to sail our rocket ships straight to the moon. Oftentimes, we are faced with obstacles that force us to ground our space shuttles ever so prematurely. When reality strikes, it can be as shocking as a frying pan to the back of the head. There is no warning. It just hits, and all we hear is the CLANG!!! and the seemingly infinite ringing in our ears.

So what is one to do in a situation like this? When life hits us with a frying pan, and reality has stopped us dead in our tracks......what are we to do? Carry on? No. Lay down and die? No, we can't do that either. We need to stop, think and explore every viable option we have.....even if its not a desirable one. We need to ask ourselves the very basic question: What is going to be the necessary move for my success and for my survival? Answer that, and you'll be on your way!

When reality strikes, often we feel like we are left without options. We feel pidgeon-holed and depressed. In all actuality, this is far from the truth. We are anxiety-ridden and have not sat down and done enough methodical thinking. We have not asked enough people for input. We have not exhausted all of our resources. We have given up all too early. We have not explored our options.

This world maybe cruel sometimes, but somehow people have always found a way to survive. These people are no different than you or I. They have just been strong enough and resourceful enough to explore all of their options. They used every ounce of strength that they had and they rose to the top......just like survivors always do. Listen, if you have made it this far, chances are you will make it the rest of the way. All you have to do is try. Oh, and explore your options. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Did I Really Just Say That???????

Have you ever been so angry or emotional that you called someone a filthy name, or chewed someone out when they did not deserve it whatsoever? I have......and I'd be more than willing to bet you have too. Now, if you have any kind of conscience, I bet you wanted to retract your words or actions within minutes, if not seconds of of your disgraceful verbal outpour.

When we fly off at the mouth, we have essentially lost control of our rational selves, and are most likely running on sheer chemical and hormonal energy. We are amped up with adrenaline, filled with testosterone, blinded by emotion.......and really, just not thinking clearly. It seems that after some type of false self-righteous euphoria settles itself, we start realizing what just happened in the real world.......not just in the little fantasy we acted out. Our words just hurt someone, angered someone, got us fired, got us punched in the jaw, made someone cry, or permanently scarred someone's self-image.

After all of the damage is done, we are left in a state of shell shock. The big question that we start playing over and over in our minds is: "Did I really just say that?" And the answer is: "Yes". You really just said that. Those words are permanent. You have left an impression. Like it or not. So, we need to get a grip on ourselves. We are all emotional.....some of us more than others. However, that gives us no excuse to lose control of ourselves, and to say demeaning or vicious things to others. We need to think. We need to think before we act.....and think before we open our mouths. What we say just might be the last thing someone hears.....or the last thing that we get to say. Words were meant to be chosen wisely. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

My Own Worst Enemy

"I'm never going to make it. My life is a failure. Who would ever date someone like me?" Hold on a minute. Stop talk to yourself this way! It is self defeating and completely untrue. How do I know???? These have been my exact thoughts and my exact words (to myself) during some of the hardest and lonliest times of my life.

We are our own worst enemies. We brutalize ourselves with our words, and degrade the value of our existence with these type of thoughts. When we speak to ourselves this way, we feel absolutely horrible. Fact of the matter is, after so long.......we believe what we say to ourselves.

We need to stop being our own worst enemies, and start being our own best friends. We need to speak to ourselves positively. We need to think healthier thoughts consciously so that we can start conjuring up healthier thoughts subconsciously. After all, we eventually believe our words and our thoughts......positive or negative.

Our words are our weapons. They can be used to better things or to worsen them. It is completely up to us. Will we befriend ourselves, or will we live a life of internal struggle and conflict? We can be our own best friends or our own worst enemies. The choice is ours! Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

A Little Wiser This Time....

A person who makes a certain error once has not made a mistake. Instead, he or she has created an environment for themselves in which they are able to learn and grow from. That being said, if that same person fails to see their error as an opportunity to learn, they will repeat that error......then, it can easily be called a mistake.

Over the course of our lifetimes we will trip and fall hundreds, if not thousands of times. The question is: Will we learn to tie our shoes before making forward strides in the future? For some, the answer is yes. As for others.......I hope they invest in a good set of knee pads, 'cause life is gonna hurt.

If someone asked me how many times I've made some form of error or another, I could not even give them an honest number. I've fallen flat on my face a million times. Now that I am older and a little wiser, I am finally starting to learn from my blunders. Rarely am I repeating the same slipups more than once these days. So when did things change? They began to change when I decided that I truly wanted something better out of this life. They began to change when I started begin aware of myself and accountable for my actions. No longer could I blame anyone for things that didn't go my way. Now it is all about learning and finding solutions to any problem that I may face.

With age comes wisdom....well, most of the time. As we progress in chrological age, usually some form of more sophistocated thinking follows. This leads to better decision making, a better grasp on people(and ourselves), and a more indepth understanding of how this complex world around us tends to operate. So.....next time you trip and fall, don't just get up and start running again. First, take a look at your shoe laces or the ground beneath you. Find out why you fell in the first place. Once you know....then go. Not only will you get more out of life, but you'll be a little wiser this time too. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!!

What Are We Waiting For?

Have you have stared at your cell phone or computer screen, wishing that someone would contact you? Have you been so fixated on waiting that you missed out on other great opportunites? How many times did those people ever really call?

Life is now people. We are not promised another heartbeat. If someone is really interested in dating us, they will call......almost immediately. If someone is interested in doing business with us, they will usually call within a fairly short amount of time as well. If someone is really our friend, we should know in our hearts that they will always call us back....if not first.

This has been a heartbreaking lesson for me to learn over the course of my lifetime. Many people that I have been interested in building different forms of relationships with have not wanted to form similar ties with me. The reverse is also true. There have been many circumstances where I have not wanted to do business with others....or in some cases, even be their friends(very rare).

The main question I'm asking is: "What are we waiting for?" Are we waiting for people to change their minds? Let me be honest(both with myself and with all of you).......that rarely happens. Once most people make their decisions, it takes a lot for them to do a complete 180. This usually only happens if we realize that we have misjudged someone's character. Then we know it is up to us to give them a second chance......and a fair one. Otherwise, we usually know where we stand. All of the waiting in the world will not make the telephone ring. It will just break our hearts and damage our minds. We will feel inadequate, when in truth, we are not.

So.... stop waiting around already. Put the cell phone back in your pocket, close the laptop and find something to do. Life is now, and it waits for no one. Go out and live while you still have the chance. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

It's Fighting Time!

Sometimes life stops, turns around, and drop kicks us straight in the nuts. As mere mortals, we are left with no choice but to fall to our knees and whimper. As we contemplate our next move, often it feels like we are going to be down there for quite sometime. Well...... sometimes this is true. Other times it is not. It all depends on how bad we want to get our butts off of the ground. How bad do we want to stand on our own two feet? That is the question!

Life is a test of the human sprit. Will we rise from the smoldering ashes or will we drift away with the vapors? What will emerge? When this world beats us down and then laughs in our face, will we cry in our pillows or will we stick our chests out and walk with honor? What are we made of? We can't just lay down and die. No way!

It's fighting time ladies and gentlemen. I remeber a quote from an old action movie(unfortunately I can't remeber which one). The main character said: " You can break my back.....but you'll never break my spirit!" Those old action movies sure had some corny one-liners in them, but some of them sure did make a valid point or two. Life can test us, and even abuse us....but it will only break us if we let it. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

Drawing The Line

Have you ever given a new person your phone number just to be polite? I know I have. Sometimes, wonderful friendships are made this way....other times, some annoying S.O.B. decides they are going to text message you the very next morning at 6am while they are eating breakfast(and you are sleeping), at 7am while they are in the car(and you are still sleeping), at 8am when they are bored at work(and you are still sleeping), at 9am(when you have only been up for a half hour), and so on and so forth for the rest of the day and night.....every day and night. That is, until you draw the line.

Some people just have no sense of self-awareness. They are obsessive, controlling , manipulative, and very immature. They want what they want....and they want it now. If what they want is to talk to you....well, you just might be in for a migraine headache......until you draw the line. Sometimes you either have to stop answering the phone or replying to text messages permanently, change your number, or you just have to be very blunt and tell that individual that you no longer wish for them to call you.

Drawing the line is no easy task. It takes serious nerve sometimes. Usually the people who we are forced to cut ties from do not seem to listen or respect wishes very easily. They are often hard headed, close minded and selfish. And if you cut ties with them......they think you are the jerk! You are the crazy one! You are the one with the problems! I mean, why wouldn't anyone want to talk to someone they just met 84 times in one day? How crazy!

Some people have been fortunate enough not to encounter such individuals or such circumstances over the course of their lifetime(s). As for the rest of us.....should we only be so lucky! We need to really stay in touch with who we are and what we want. We need to be strong and assertive. We need to keep the ball in our court. This is our life and it should not be lived on anyone else's terms or conditions. It is for us to dictate! Draw the the line!
Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!!

Self-Empowerment

Frailty is defined as "a fault due to weakness especially to moral character"(at least according to http://mirriam-webster.com/ ). I believe frailty is a conditioning of our mind to fold under pressure(as in the case of being bullied or spearately but equally in the case of giving in to some form of temptation. Sure, we have all been frail at times(some of us more than others), but how long do we allow ourselves to remain in this state of mind? When do we gain strength and confidence? When do we start retraining our thought patterns with more positive phrases and self talk(no matter how corny it seems at first)? When????





Self-empowerment is a key factor in ganing both confidence and independence. Self-empowered individuals are often positive, self starters who have taken life into their hands in sturdy fashion without limiting their range of options for desirable career and social advancements. They have overcome most former feelings of frailty and know where they stand.





Self-empowerment is not one of those things one can not achieve overnight.It's going to take some time. So where do you stand? Are you easily swayed or bullied when making a decision? Are you afraid to ask for what you want? Do you voice your opinion every when you really feel strongly about something? Where do you stand? Where?





Think about it people. If frailty, fear and weakness are still a apart of your life, it is time to make a change. Empower yourself today. You can only become the person you envision yourself to be. Tell yourself that. Then tell yourself exactly what you want to be and envision it. For some it even serves them well to act the part. Do what works for you......and do it now! Take care everyone!!!!





See you next time!!!

Personal Evolution: The Growth of Self

I once remember reading a quote on a poster. It said something to the effect of "If you are still the same man at 40 that you were at 20......what have you done?" Correct my diminishing memory, but I believe this was quoted by none other than the great Mohammed Ali. For a man who has taken so many punishing blows to the head, he sure had a few wise words left for the rest of us.

Personal change and development is almost inevitable for most of us, but unfortunately not for all of us. This is something that many strive for, however, some just seem to hang on to childhood years or adolescent behaviors with no transformation in sight. They are so stuck on trivial things that happened to them that they can not progress forward into newer and brighter days. They are forever 13, 23 or 33. The clock just stopped ticking....and ultimately, it was by their own doing.

The growth of self is a process of concious self-assessment. It is a methodical assessment of ourselves and our behaviors as well as the behaviors of those who we surround ourselves with. It is an assessment of our world, our environment, and a desire to adapt and grow. It is a realization that some things are beyond our liking or our control......but, so what! That's life.

Do not let anything or anyone stand in the way of your personal growth or evolution. Those who are remaining emotionally stagnant will try to pull you down to former times in the most creative of ways, but it is up to you to resist. How bad do you want to move forward? Where do you envision yourself heading before your days are done? Will you let anything or anyone stop you? I sure hope not. There is much too much at stake. The risks far outweigh the rewards. So....onward and upward as they say! Evolve. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Life is Precious

We walk through life with an amazing sense of confidence and carelessness sometimes. As we pound away at the ground beneath us, we never stop to think about what or who we might be getting trampled on the soles beneath us. All we care about is ourselves, and our dreams and our destination(s). We live life in a bubble. In fact, horses with blinders see more than we do. Why? Because they tune into to those around them with their other senses. We do not.

Life is precious, and we as humans never seem to realize it until death, illness or tragedy comes knocking. We treat others as if they do not matter.....then suddenly they are gone forever. Worst of all, most of us don't learn from this mistake the first or even second time around. To me this is truly heartbreaking. It really makes me question people, their morals and their thought processes. Have we just become numb from too many poor external influences? Is this the nature of all human beings? What's the reason?

I believe most of us start out warm blooded. As we get hurt and scarred, we put up walls to protect ourselves from other people. Eventually, this creates a distance between one human and another causing somewhat of an emotional desensitization. Relationships are not as close, people don't mean as much to us, and therefore we can not get hurt quite so deeply. In the end, the value of human life crashes like the Dow Jones during a time of economic downturn, and people become assets that are now worth nothing.

This is not how I want to be treated . This is not how I want my loved ones to be treated....and this is not how I wish to treat others. I sincerely hope that this is the case for all of you too. Life is precious. It is the type of beautiful miracle that only happens once. It is meant to be appreciated with each breath and with each encounter. Every moment is special. Every heartbeat is a gift. Every life counts. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Are Realists Really Miserable?

A few days ago I was serving hot dogs to one of my regulars, when we got into an in depth discussion on human intellect, behaviors, and emotions. He had just got back from a vacation to the tropics and had a really nice time. In fact, I could tell just how nice of a time he had by how relaxed his demeanor was compared to normal. You see, this guy is a great guy, but normally he is like Stallone or Clint Eastwood.....honest, sturdy, and, dependable, but you can just tell that life has beat him down a little bit more than the average guy.

So, to make a long story short he says " Hey Adam, you know how I'm always calling myself a realist? "Yeah", I said. He goes on to say... "I was reading this article on the airplane by a shrink and she says..... people who call themselves realists are really depressed....... I think the shrink is right. I've had a lot of the symptoms for the past three years and didn't even see the signs until I read the article."

Now, the average person reading this may assume I was face to face with a hypochondriac who read an article and has immediately diagnosed themselves with depression and every other disease and disorder in the book, but that was far from the case. Not this guy. This is a stand up guy who has his feet firmly on the ground and tends to assess things with brutal honesty..... only in this case it happened to be himself.

So what about you? Are you an optimist who sees the good in everything(almost to the point of naivety)? Are you a pessimist who is like a black cloud pouring negativity on all who surround you? Or....are you a "realist"? Hopefully you are all of the above and none of the above. Hopefully it all depends on the situation and the circumstance. Each frame of mind has its benefits and its pitfalls. That included being "too real". Just ask the Stallone look alike that buys hot dogs from me every couple of days. He'll tell you!!! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Time

When was the last time you had your heart broken? Do you remember just how bad that hurt? I sure do. I remember people telling me that I just needed to talk it out and everything would be alright. In some ways, those people were on to something.....in other ways, they were just asking a man to pick at sore wounds.

I believe it can help to talk about things that have traumatized you, but you really have to be ready for the emotional backlash that comes with that type of conversation. Facing the facts and living the truth is one thing, but reliving a nightmare over and over is another story.

So what am I suggesting people do to remedy their heartaches? I'm suggesting they give themselves space and time from the source. Time will heal most wounds. While we will never forget what we have been through, things sure do get easier to think about or to talk about after several months have passed. Another suggestion is to stay busy. Fill your time with plenty of postive things and positive people, so you have little time to sit in a room alone to dwell on your former moments of misery. Soon success, happiness and positive memories will fill your mind and your life, leaving no time or room for the pains that once plagued you.

Time is a magical thing. A day can last an eternity while a decade goes by in what seems like a flash. Just be patient and time will heal you too. Take care everyone!!!!

See you next time!!!

Am I Busy or Just Plain Selfish?

Lately I have been busier than ever. I have been juggling a small hot dog business, a singing/songwriting/guitar playing career, a job as a blogger here at The Daily Brain Shelter, a creator/moderator at http://globalfriendforum.com, a lifestyle as a natural bodybuilder, as well as my normal duties as a brother, a son, a friend, an owner of two dogs, a college student and a normal guy who likes to cut loose and have fun. While I try to put others first, sometimes I realize that I have been slightly more selfish than I care to admit.

You see.......Recently, I have not returned all of my phone calls, text messages and emails as promptly as I would have like to. I have cancelled social obligations due to fatigue, or even worse.....because I felt like I would rather use my limited amount of spare time to do something else(with someone else). This may sound all well and good, and in some ways it is. However, in some ways, it is not. Why? Because there is always another individual on the recieving end that might be waiting for you to call or arrive....and you are standing them up. Sure, you can not please everyone, but conciously bailing on a friend who is relying on you is just plain selfish.

So how do balance out our busy lives, our friendships, and our own personal needs without leaving loved ones waiting by the telephone or neglecting ourselves of happiness for the sake of everyone around us? We need to organize our schedules and our minds first of all. Second, we need to be completely honest with people. Some will not understand that we just can not get together with them everyday or every week like we once did. Oh well, that's just the way it is. We will often face overwhelming pressure from these people, but firmness is the only answer in staying balanced and leading an honest life. Otherwise we will be manipulated and feel weak. Then the excuses and lies start to avoid being manipulated again. I guess one could say....one of the hardest words we could ever learn to say is one of the first words we ever learn to say: "No." With that being said, I believe that I have been both busy and selfish. I have a lot to work on....as do most of us. Have some great techniques to share with our readers? Post them in the comments section below! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Kanye West, Paula Abdula and The Green Eyed Monster

Recently, there have been a few celebrities that have really been acting like nothing more than little school children with big bank accounts.....and bigger egos. Kanye West is one of them. Paula Abdul is another. These are not the only two individuals who are slipping up. Millions of others are following suit. The problem with these two is that they represent society and popular culture. They set trends as to what is the acceptable standard for our children and our communities.

When a young starlet like Taylor Swift is about to give her first big acceptance speech, and a egocentric narcissist in need of attention has such little class and self awareness as to grab the microphone from a young girl and denounce her proper placing........something has gone wrong. When a decent and kind human being with a solid reputation like Ellen Degeneres lands a spot as a judge on a TV reality show, sure, not everyone is going to like her. But.... it is a sad state of affairs, when someone with a career as accomplished and as long lasting as Paula Abdul's reverts to childhood mockery in an effort to steal back the spotlight from Ellen just beause her former seat has become occupied.

Come on people.... Give me a break. You might be improving ratings a little here and there, but you are making absolute fools of yourselves and setting low standards for younger generations to look up to. No one expects you to be perfect or to always act your age.....that would be boring! But, keep the green-eyed monster away. Jealousy has no place outside of the mind. We all become jealous from time to time, but those are feelings we must harness and do positive things with. Why sabotage others? Give it a rest.....there's plenty of pie for all of us.

Here's my take..... "The Green Eyed Monster"(jealousy/greed) is what got our country in this mess that we're in to begin with. Everyone is stabbing each other in the back to get ahead. Every now and again it sure does work.....but at what cost? So, 300 million more may suffer needlessly? We need to think people. Whether we're Kanye West stealing a microphone, Paula Abdul wearing an Ellen DeGeneres wig or Joe Schmoe doing business with John Doe, we need to keep our morals in check. Myself included. Jealously is a raging beast. It is a cause and a basis for insecurity, and a monster that must be tamed. We have created the monster.....now we must control its every move. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Irrational Fears, Panic Attacks and The Gift of Life

"What's happening to me? Are they going to hurt me? Are you sure? Am I having breathing trouble? Am I dying?" Do any of these questions sound familiar to you? If so, you might be prone to having irrational fears and panic attacks(the only way to know for sure is to ask your doctor or qualified health care professional).

When anxiety strikes, it brings out the worst in all of us. We fear for our lives ever so needlessly, sweating profusely, watching time standing still as our heart palpitates inside of our hollow chests. We beg and pray for the Lord's mercy, asking for forgiveness and swearing never to do wrong again if only we may be pardoned from death this very instant. We think of the ones we love and the ones that we've lost. Our lives suddenly become very precious, and very real. These are the moments when we realize that we are not promised another heartbeat. These are the moments we remember that we are weak, frail, and human.

If panic attacks are plaguing you frequently and interrupting your life on a daily basis, you might want to seek help.... as this may not be so healthy. If they happen only so often, they can be frightening, yet beautiful wake up calls that jump start our hearts and our minds. They can let us know that our life really does mean something to us. In all honesty, most of the time, they happen for an underlying reason. There is some type of life issue that we have yet to resolve.

So.....that being said, anxiety can ruin our lives....but only if we let it. If we don't, anxiety can propel us to soaring new heights. How will you live your life? Will you face your fears? Will you live each day like a man with no promise of tomorrow?..... Or will you wilt away and die as if yesterday was your day to drown? Take a deep breath. Enjoy it. Relax. When it is your time to go, it will most likely happen on its own. No need to worry...okay? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

What Are You Made Of?

Hitting a new plateau can be a challenge of monumental proportions. It is more than a time of stagnation. It is a time of trial and of challenge. It is a chance to overcome, to face overwhelming odds, and to emerge from the shadows of darkness like only the bravest of superheroes can. It is man versus the mountain........... It is man versus himself.

It takes great strength not to fold under the heavy hands of life sometimes. Odds are stacked against you, and chances are you will lose. But, a chance is only a chance.....and chance is a word most often used by gamblers and risk takers. You know what you are getting into....and you are going to win, damn it!!!! You have a goal, and you have a plan! This was no hair brained scheme. This is your life's work, your masterpiece, your passion, your hobby.....this is your everything! But wait......you're stuck. You've hit a plateau. Maybe you've finally reached your peak. Maybe you're all washed up. Maybe not!

Well......? What do you have to say for yourself? Are you all washed up? Are you just another "has been"? Do you want my two cents? Absolutely not! The choice is yours. The choice to get past the plateau is as strong as the will power that led you to the peak in the first place. Do you still have enough hunger to succeed? Do you have the guts to stare failure in the face, only to laugh and just work twice as hard as you did the first time? What are you made of? Huh? Tell me. Actually.....don't tell me. I don't care. It's none of my business. Take a long hard look in the mirror and tell yourself! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Words of Encouragement

Sometimes we try so hard to succeed at everything we do, only to get little or no gratification out of the process....and even sometimes......the end result. Just to hear another person's words of enouragement can completely make it all worthwhile.

Just as we have discussed on here previously, words have powerful actions(both good and bad). Words of praise can keep a person going even on their darkest of days when they were playing Russian roulette on a shaky tightrope, awaiting only the worst of all possible outcomes in their foreseeable future. Praise is motivating, inspiring, comforting and even completely life changing at times. Words of praise can make a person love themselves for the first time and they can make a person believe in themselves for the first time. They can give a person hope....and without hope, what's left?

Well, I'm sure you already knew the impact of praise and other words of encouragement, but I felt the need to re-enforce it's importance. So, when you step out of the house today(or tomorrow), I challenge you to offer words of encouragement to at least one stranger as well as one person you already know. Don't kiss butt....just give praise. Make it sincere or don't do it at all. Post your experiences in the comment section below. You are all capable of making a difference. Let's hear your stories..... Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!

Reciprocity, Ethics, and Utopian Thinking

Getting ahead in life is never easy. Let's face it.....we need as many good contacts as we can get. And, in all reality, they need us. "No man is an island"...someone once said. This is the truth. Therefore, everyone is an asset(if not a friend). Burning a bridge should never be an option.

While this may seem like a utopian way of thinking, it really does not have to be. It is really all about making choices, and developing a sound state of mind. It is also very much about the reciprocation of good deeds, good will, and ethical business transactions. This is very much different to the current standard of doing things. What this means is.....patting your neighbor on the back, and lining his pockets so he may do the same. The other option is stabbing your neighbor in the back and taking the food from the mouths of his wife and children.....and I don't like the way that sounds.

Sure, there is a flaw to all theories, including the one above.....but, sometimes it boils down to which theory has the fewer flaws, the greater benefits, and, which one holds the keys to the greatest personal success and overall satisfaction. It boils down to morals, to money, and to sheer personal decision making. How do you want to live your life....and what kind of person do you want to be? Personally, I know my answer. Do you? Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

The Analytical Mind and You

Some say that thinking too little can lead to serious troubles in our lives. I believe that thinking too much can often have a similar effect. I refer to this as the curse of the analytical mind.

Many of us pick things apart, detail by detail, just so we can understand things in their most basic element. While this may appear to be good, this is somewhat of a perfectionistic or obsessive quality. How so? When one can not just accept something as is, and must keep picking and scratching at something as if it were a mosquito bite, it is obvious that their behavior is obsessive in nature. Now, if we are obsessively analyzing everyone and everything....as well all that they say, think or do, we are going to find more wrongs than rights. Why? Because humans as creatures are far from perfect. We are all learning as we go....just making mistake after mistake along the way. Here's the kicker: each mistake we make is going to be different than the person next to us....therefore, they will rarely be able to understand our flaws. This is where judgements come in. This is where people label themselves "smart" and others "morons".

You see....those who think too much find themselves in this predicament far more often than the "Average Joe" with a balanced mindstate, average intelect, and a bloodpressure below 200 (people have strokes at 200 just so you know). Those who are far more accepting and far less analytical, have much better social skills(at least according to my observations), and far fewer walls and barriers than the analytical thinker. Each individual has his/her pro's and cons. One will most likely enjoy life a little more, while the next will understand life to a far greater degree. It's like weighing knowledge vs. pleasure. Which one do you seek? What ever you seek most at the core of your true self will prevail. This will determine if you are an more of an analyst, a hedonist, or someone that falls somewhere in between.

So who are you? What's on your mind? Are you picking this article apart? Are you picking me apart? Yourself? Your neighbor? Maybe you just read this for fun while drinking a beer and could not give a damn. That's cool too. Whatever. All of us have something special to offer. The analyst will make us think, the hedonist will bring us pleasure, and the man in the middle will teach us balance. As for me...I probably think a little too much. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

False Promises

My father once told me "A man is nothing without his word". At the time, I had no idea what that statement really meant. I was young, naive, and still ripe to the ways of the world. Now, after a few more decades of seasoning, this statement hits home harder than ever.

In today's society, we are often misguided by the charming ways of others. Sometimes it's an intentional effort to get us to do something for them(as I mentioned in one of my previous posts), and other times, it is merely just a way to impress us, to seek approval, or to gain our friendship. No matter what the motive may be, it always leads to the dissappointment of the other person.

This world has enough actors and actresses to last several lifetimes over. It has enough liars, snakes and thieves to fill the pits of hell for all of eternity. The last thing the world needs, is for you and me to jump on the bandwagon, and to continue the cycle of hurt. Have I hurt someone before? Unfortunately....yes. Have you? I'm sure you have. Do we need to continue hurting others? Absolutely not. This is the time in our lives where we as people start being true to others and to ourselves. This is where we start acting like grown men and women. This is where we quit making promises we can not keep. This is a time to deliver. This is the time for truth, for loyalty, for love, and for kindness. Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!

Adaptation

It's funny how life works sometimes. One minute we have these big plans to do one thing, then the next....plans change and we are forced to re-think everything that was once so clear and tangible. We go through life fighting this never ending battle between transparency and blending in. One minute, we want people to see right through us, to know exactly what is on our minds and exactly how we feel....the next, we are chameleons, just trying to blend with the scenery, wishing for nothing more than a little escape.

No matter what it is that we do..... we are always doing, or trying to do one thing.....adapting. Adaptation is how we as animals survive in the wilderness, and how we as people survive in the workplace. Our environmental factors, our backgrounds, our scenery, our friends and our foes are continuously changing(and even sometimes evolving) around us.....right before our very eyes. This makes each day different from the next, and each situation we encounter separate and unique.

Although sometimes it takes more than a couple of spots and stripes to hide us, or a small sign on our foreheads to see right through us.......we all show signs of adaptation(just think about what following a trend really is......it's blending). There is nothing wrong with any of this. In fact it's all probably for the better. It's basic human survival. Let's even go back into trends for a minute....the ones who follow the trends end up being the most popular. Those who are well liked, well dressed, trendy, etc statistically get better jobs, better pay, and wind up with more social connections. At some level that may even mean that they are better survivors then most others....

Regardless of who is more popular or who is the better survivor, change is inevitable, and adaptation is a tried and true method for dealing with change. One who can adapt can make the best out of any situation. He or she can always turn lemons into lemonade. Salt into sugar. Dirt into gold....or even rain into rainbows. Adaptation will always separate the living from the dead, the happy from the sad.....and even the rich from the poor. So............ how are you doing? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Facing Up To Attackers.....

Recently, I had a parting of ways with someone who was very dear to me. Unfortunately, I was judged wrongly by a friend of this individual which lead to a very distasteful text message being sent to me. It happened to be full of all kinds of name calling and swear words. So how did I respond? At first...completely wrong. I took the bait and bit the worm at the end of the hook. I texted back a quick two word phrase best described by holding up one's middle finger. Not the brightest move on my part. So what happened? This person felt as if they got a rise out of me(which really was not the case, as I was kind of laughing and just blowing them off for being rude). Anyway, to make a long story short, my immature, quick-witted response led to a short string of other attempts to antagonize me and get under my skin. However....this time they failed. I ignored the next few text messages, and finally things cooled down.

So why am I telling you this? Why am I airing dirty laundry? Well, I felt that I had made a mistake in my initial response. I learned from it, and figured that I would pass it along to all of you. After all....who doesn't encounter verbal attackers at some point in their lives? We all do. That being said, the best thing we can do is not add fuel to the fire....unless we are seeking an argument ourselves(which I believe is highly toxic). This is not to say that you should not stand up for your self against a bully, or have a back bone. It just means... pick your battles. If someone is being petty or immature, let them run their mouth. Who cares? It's wasted time and wasted energy. They will burn themselves out. If you feed into their cycle of chaos, they will know they can tap into you whenever they want to create tension. If you ignore them, all of their efforts will be wasted, and they will find it pointless. If this is someone that you are living with who seems to follow you around the house just to continue argue, then leave. Get some space. If this continues, you need to strongly assess your relationship with that person.

Facing up to attackers is never easy. At times it is quite intimidating. But...it is a skill, like any other, that we must develop over time to survive in this world. We must not allow ourselves to fall victim of a verbal predator. Quality of life is everything....let no man take it away. Do what you have to depending on the situation. Press the ignore button on your cell phone, walk away, shrug it off and laugh...whatever. As my friend's older brother says....Life is 10% "what happens to you", and 90%" how you deal with it". It's your move from here. What will you do?....... Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

I'm Thankful For......

To bitch and moan about everything that is wrong in your life or everything that you don't have(or everything that someone else does have), has become nothing short of the new social standard. What ever happened to "I may not have(insert something you desire)........but, I sure am lucky that(insert something that you do have)"......? Times sure have changed, but it is due to our attitudes and outlooks on things. Do we see the good....or just the bad?

There is so much to be thankful for in this life. Most of us have eyesight, hearing, friends, family, food, entertainment, clean water, good health, shelter, and clothing.......we are so fortunate. But what do I hear? "I'm so sick of this......I'm so sick of that.......I've got it so bad......wah, wah, wah" . Listen and listen good........Suck it up. There is someone who has it much worse than you do who is out there smiling right now enjoying life and taking their hardships on the chin, while you're curled up on your armchair, pouting, and feeling sorry for yourself........ and for what?

Listen, I'm no millionarie either, but let me tell you.....I am thankful for so many things: My mom, my dad,my brother, my dogs, my health, my guitar, my wonderful readers here on www.brainshelter.com and so much more. What are you thankful for? Come on, there has to be something. Face it. If you have the physical, intellectual, or financial means to read this......you don't have it that bad. Someone else's family is getting bombarded by a hurricane as they hold on for dear life in a fragile straw hut somewhere in the Pacific Islands. So.....tonight before you go to bed, end your night with "I'm thankful for....." If you can start your morning with the same phrase. Your outlook on life will change forever, and each day will always be better than the last. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Rapid Transformations

Let's face it. We want results...and we want them quick. Better yet, we want them now. So, with that being said, is there such a thing as a rapid transformation? Yes, there is.....but few people know how to change or transform their lives or bodies in very short periods of time(and the ones who do, rarely do what it takes to achieve their goals).

Now, before you get depressed and throw in the towel, please realize that you CAN do absolutely ANYTHING you put your mind to. Let's use the human body for example(since being in shape is very popular these days). Ready? And yes....I've done this myself and have succeeded. Oh, and I've also failed numerous times before cracking the code..... Okay, let's begin.

First, you need to have a goal. What do you want to achieve? What do you want to look like...and by what date? Second, you need to devise a STRICT game plan. Without being COMPLETELY dedicated, your transformation could take literally 20 times as long....or more! Trust me. In my case, if I want to lose all of my bodyfat and have six pack abs, I need to cut out ALL carbohydrates(including from beverages). To preserve my muscle and maintain size and shape(yes this is equally important for women), I need to up my protein intake(this usually means chicken breast and water 6 times a day), and lift heavier weights in the gym. Once every 4-5 days I will have one big meal full of carbohydrates to replenish my body. The cravings are horrible, but the results are worth it. You'll see. Third, you need to have patience, consistency, drive, and an optimistic attitude at all times. Your mindset is everything. You will have your bad days here and there, but realize that they are only bad days and you will get past them very shortly. This is really all it takes as far as the basics are concerned. The more focused, determined and driven you become, the faster your goals will come to fruition.

The steps above have helped me in my quest to improve my health, but they have also carried over into many more areas in my life. Please read this article and apply the steps to your individual goals.....not mine. The reason I wrote this was to help other succeed. Please post your success stories on the comment section underneath sometime soon! I can't wait to hear them! Good luck everyone. I have faith in all of you! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

*Please consult a physician before starting any diet or fitness regimen*

A Healthy Social Life....

Human communication and interpersonal connections can truly be a vital element in our quest for optimal health and lifelong happiness. Although reaching out to others can sometimes be a challenge, it can also be very rewarding on many different levels.

Think about it. How many times have you spent a series of days, nights....or even weeks, or months without ever seeing or talking to a friend? How lonely was that? How hard were those times? They were hard.....weren't they? Of course. Now, no one is saying that a little bit of downtime alone or personal space is not healthy, but isolationism will eventually get the best of all of us. Don't believe me? Interview anyone in a maximum security prison who has spent more than 90 days in "the hole" (solitary confinement). Even the toughest and hardest of all human beings need a few basic emotional elements to survive.......elements such as human contact and communication. Without it, we are left to our own devices. This is when our thought patterns change for the worst, our balance is lost, and we tend to lose our way in the world. This is often due to misconceived notions as to how people or things really operate in the world around us.....a world that we are very much removed from.

Having a healthy social life does not mean being popular. Popular is word best left for 7th graders and voters. Get over that notion right now. Having a healthy social life means enjoying the company of friends(both old and new ones) on a regular basis. It means learning new things from new people, reminiscing about the past with old buddies over a six pack, or hanging out and talking shop with a few random co-workers after everyone has punched out for the day. When you think about it in those terms, it doesn't sound so hard...does it? No. The only challenge is making time. Everyone always seems to be to busy....but few really are. Put yourself out there and see what happens for a change. Who knows? You might have a great time, or your next outing might be an absolute disaster. But......if you don't ever get out there, you will have lived a life devoid of all human contact and communication on a recreational level. Years will slip away, people will pass....and eventually, so will you. Make life count. Have a little fun while you're here.....and invite someone along for the ride! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

The Power of a Compliment

The human mind is strong, and the human spirit is stronger ...... but more times than not, a strong spirit and a strong mind are accompanied by a fragile ego. No matter how good our poker faces are in the presence of proper company, behind closed doors we lie devoid of all of our emotional clothing and exposed in only the most honest of ways. We need assurance, reassurance, love, friendship, and desire nothing more than........a sincere compliment.

We as humans take in so much these days. We see so many people with beauty, wealth, power and influence that we often feel inadequate.....even if we have college degrees, nice homes, great families, decent cars, good jobs, nice looks......whatever. There will always be something we don't have. And, no matter how greatful we are for what we DO have, we as humans somehow always seem to focus on what is missing. This is where we lose sight of our talents, our grace, our beauty, our stability......all kinds of wonderful things. That is.......until someone pays us a compliment.

I don't think I can stress this enough. The power of a compliment can really go a long way. How many times have you felt unattractive or undesirable for weeks or months at a time, then all of a sudden the cashier at the grocery store tells you how cute you are? After not hearing this in months, this really makes your day. It doesn't matter that he or she is completely unattractive themselves. It's just really nice to hear. It makes us feel good. This may not be the perfect example that tailors to you or your life, but I'm sure that from reading this one example, most of you can draw a pretty close parallel.

So.......whatever it was that someone last said to you that really made your day(and it may have been quite a while ago), remember what that felt like. It felt pretty good didn't it? Of course. Your goal is to find at least one friend and one stranger, and pay them a compliment....even if it seems like it is from out of left field. Some may respond positively, and some may not know how to respond, so they may put up some walls at first. But.......when you walk away after complimenting this individual,showing them that there was truly nothing in it for you(no strings attached), it will sink in......big time. It will make their day. Post some comments on here and let me know what compliments have made your day, or what you have said to make others happy. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Laziness

"Get off your ass and do something with yourself already! How old are you now?" I believe those were at least two of the phrases that went through my head recently as my 28th birthday whizzed by. It wasn't until this lastest coming of age that I realized just how long I'd been spinning my wheels and doing nothing with myself. Sure, for 3 and a half years, I had a legitimate excuse. I was sick. I had a massive vertigo disorder and migraines all day everyday......but that was then.

Unfortunately, my years of stagnation did not start when I got sick.....those years just reenforced old habits.....and basically supersized them. In all reality, I had not been living up to my true potential since the 7th grade, when something inside me got depressed and just called it quits. As time went on, things just got worse. I wanted less and less out of life, and was willing to do less and less to get there. That is....until I was bed ridden long enough.

After spending 20 hours a day in bed, I started itching to live again. I started becoming motivated to do anything. I was having all kinds of crazy thoughts......like going to school! If you knew me then, that was always out of the question. Turns out, here I am a few years later attending my 2nd semester of community college. I'm no candidate for the rocket science program, but I seem to be making my way just fine. Why? Because I'm finally working. I'm choosing not to be lazy. I have realized that if you want anything in this world, you must go out and take it......and oftentimes, you have to earn it. So with that being said, if you are not out there achieving your potential, let me be the first to say the same words to you that I said to myself just a few weeks ago "Get off of your ass and do something with yourself already! How old are you now?" Stop being lazy already. You owe it to yourself and to everyone around you. Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Loyalty, Friendship, and My Brother

This posting is dedicated to the most loyal human being I know : my brother. No matter what happens, he always has your back. He is a friend during good times, and during bad times. He knows the meaning of friendship. He is an inspiration to myself, and to all who surround him. Sometimes I warn him that his tragic flaw is also his greatest trait, but in all reality....it is the one quality that separates him from the pack. This is what makes my brother so very special.

Over the years, I have watched so many people discard others in their lives like they were never even there in the first place. I must say that I have been guilty of this type of social wrong doing once or twice myself. Not my brother. I have never seen him just toss someone to the curb or disconnect himself from someone without a formal falling out. With him.....what you see is what you get.

Unfortunately, loyalty and honor are becoming ways of the past. People are stabbing their friends and families in the back left and right these day. Don't believe me? Just turn on any daytime reality talk show. Watch the interviews. Observe the guests. You won't believe what what you see. Maybe you will. Personally, it makes me sick. After having such a great brother who has been so loyal to me, I don't know how some of these other siblings(and friends) can get on national airwaves and just throw each other under the bus. It shows no respect for one another and most importantly.....no respect for oneself. Just the mere fact that my brother has never ratted on anyone, ditched anyone, or sold anyone down the river because they we're not good enough, cool enough, or rich enough, leads me to believe that he not only has the utmost respect for others, but also for himself. Sure he maybe my little brother.....but he sure has taught me a lot.

If you have been guilty of treating your friends poorly, or ditching them all together, take a lesson from my brother. Show loyalty.......earn respect. Treat people like dirt, and you will most likely end up all alone. Friendship is a priviledge. Remember that next time you're about to throw it all away. Maybe your relationship just needs a little tune up..... what do you think? Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Round 2

There are times in life in which we get knocked off our feet so hard that we just hit the pavement with an earth-shattering thud! It's almost as if a freight train has blasted us from out of nowhere, and we are left in the middle of a barren desert as we attempt recovery all by ourselves. For long periods of time we are shell shocked and traumatized. We can barely get up from off of the ground, until one day, we just get so sick of wallowing in our own pain and self pity, that we grind our two broken ankles into the desert sand, step by agonizing step, until we reach a far off place of comfort, safety, and refuge that we had been crying out for all along. Round one may have been lost a long time ago, but round two is just beginning.....and this time we're out for the win.

The first round of our lives maybe over people, but now we are left with two choices: 1. Live out our futures reliving the pain(s) of our pasts, or 2. Stand back up and make waves in this world. There is no doubt that we have all had it rough....some of us more than others, but quit letting the people who did you wrong own you! They've already hurt you once, don't let them hurt and control you for the rest of your days! Snap out of it! I know it's not easy....and yes, some traumatic events will be much more difficult to get past than others. There is no denying that. However, in Round 2 of your life I want you to stare directly at the people or visions in your head(each time they pop up) and forcefully say "You don't own me anymore!....I'm free". This will feel rather strange at first, but over time, many of you will feel the burden of your earlier years start to go away. Good luck with this....and congratulations on Round 2! Rumor has it.....it was a knockout! Take care everyone!


See you next time!!!

Thank You!

Dear Friends,
I just wanted to take a moment to let all of my members and readers know just how much I appreciate you and your support. Without the love and kindness of each and everyone of you, there is no way that I would have a reason to still be doing this. It would be as if were sending letters off to Mars or some other far off planet.....and I don't know a single soul here on Earth who has recieved a postcard back from the red planet. Do you? Didn't think so.

Anyway, with that being said, your comments and questions have changed me, not only as a writer, but also as a person. You have forced me to think about my choice of words more carefully when I write, which now helps me to select words more carefully while speaking. Over the past couple of months, I have noticed that this has had a direct impact on my thought processes and my actions. I know that I write words of motivation, encouragement, inspiration.....but the truth is, each and everyone of you have motivated, encouraged and inspired me. And for that....I thank you.

Some of you have sent me amazing letters on other sites such as http://blogged.com/ . You have told me that I have changed your life, your attitude, or even helped you to get yourself a better job. This is more than I could dream of doing. I never expected to impact lives in such a manner. I want you all to know that I will always remain humble, I will always answer letters, and I will always do my best to help out in anyway I can. Thank you so much for all that you've done for me! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

The Cold Hard Truth

Facing up to reality is never easy. Sometimes the way that we see ourselves is not always the way that we are percieved by others around us. For instance, we may think that we can sing like Elvis Presley or Carrie Underwood. We may think that we should have a 7 figure salary and stardom tomorrow, but in all reality, we still need a lot of work if before we can ever dream of stepping on stage with the pros.

It is so important to slow down and assess ourselves every once in awhile. If we don't analyze our strengths and weaknesses, and occasionally take other people's opinions and advice to heart, we will end up disillusioned and disappointed time and time again. Facing the cold hard truth is never easy, but it sure is necessary. Trust me....I know.

So where are you at in your life? What do you do best? What is your passion? What are your strenths? What are your weaknesses? What do you need to work on? How do you see yourself and/or your work or talent? How do your friends/fans/audience percieve you? If you can not answer all of these questions with complete ease, you need to take a moment to stop and think about things. Just to warn you....it may be a little painful.........but, this will make you better once you set some goals and face up to the cold hard truth. Best of luck! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Networking, Bill Gates, And You!

There are many things in this world that we can accomplish all on our own. However, there are a much greater number of things that we need at least some assistance from those around us to transform from mere concept to actual reality. The older I get(and the more that I hate to admit it), I am accepting the old cliched saying : It's not who you are...... it's who you know. Let's face it, without a team of people(otherwise known as a firm), where would any of these gigantic comapanies like Microsoft, Wal-Mart, or McDonald's be today?

If you answered: probably nowhere, then you are probably correct. No unknown variable(or hypothetical situation) can be answered or solved for in this situation with absolute certainty(meaning a true 100%). Even with the brilliance of Mr. Bill Gates behind the gears of a one man company, I am 99% certain that even he could not replace all of his people with robots. Why not? Robots perform isolated tasks. Humans create and innovate. The human mind is the creative epicenter of the universe. Therefore, a networking of intelligent human minds, is virtually limitless in its reach and its capabilities.

Our wingspan is only so wide. If we truly want to explore the limits outside of our own reach, we must touch wings with other birds of similar feathers. We must network. Our networks will soon become amazing teams that we can delegate tasks to, and that can delegate tasks to us. Our resourses will become limitless, and there will be no problem to difficult to solve. There will always be an expert or specialist standing by. Networking is a beautiful thing. Who knows? You just might be the next Bill Gates! Take care everyone!

See you next time!!!

Staying Organized

Today's society is moving at a faster pace than ever before. We are faced with more responsiblities, tasks, and daily duties that must be fulfilled as each year passes. Without maintaining proper organizational habits, we may never realize our full potentials. What's worse? Oftentimes, our lives end up lost in the whirldwind of chaotic clutter.

So how do we stay organized? The theory behind it is really simple. It is the follow through that takes some real effort. First, start off by cleaning your home, your automobile, and your office. If you have no idea what is around you, how can you organize your thoughts, your belongings, and carry out all of your daily tasks to their full potential. Next, make two lists, and divide them into two columns. On the first list(1st column), jot down your long term goals. On that same list, in the 2nd column, jot down the actions that you must take to achieve those goals. On the second list, title it "Today's Goals" . Write down exactly what you need to accomplish, and in what order(make a copy if you need to). Start checking them off one by one as you finish them. If you need to add some notes to help you to takes action, do so at the bottom of the page, and refer to them as you go. The third list is "Weekly Goals". This one is usually a reminder to do housework, and to pay bills on time, or to make it to a prior engagement or meeting. Once again, list your items/duties, then check them off.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen. There are the three lists(daily, weekly, and long-term) and three clean-up jobs(home, auto, and office) that have the ability to improve the quality of your lives forever. It's all up to you. Will you add "Mow the lawn" to your list.....or just "Buy more Gummi Bears"? You can add whatever you like. It's your life....but I'd suggest you make it count! Take care everyone!!!

See you next time!!!